I have been crying pretty much all day. Took Nathan up to the counselor this morning, Dan came in his own car. She talked to me for 40 minutes first, said I sounded like I was willing to work out things with H, that I was open to growing, changing, etc in a positive way (she asked about this b/c of son's problems missing his dad). She told me she thinks our son's sudden 'fear' of sleeping at night without his daddy--he said he wouldn't be afraid of zombies in our house at night if daddy were home--is most likely son's last-ditch effort to make his dad come home. Sad...
Anyway I went out and Nate went in, and Dan started being snippy. Said it was a waste of 3 hours (its a 40 min. drive each way) every week to bring him to counseling, he could spend that time playing with us.
He said he was tired of everything and going to fix up his house and live in it and have the kids part of the time. He was done. Period.
I asked him (dumb) why he told me that he wanted me to live with him in the house when it was fixed up--he told me that about 6 months ago...He said he did want me to, but things have changed. But contradicted himself by saying that he has been waiting for the past year, hoping for 'something' to change and get better and it never did so he is done.
Then karate got over and he told Nathan we were all 3 going to go go lunch. Wtf. Again, me in a rough spot as I had Nathan's karate stuff with me. We met for lunch and I was so sick I didn't want to eat. Ordered a salad and slipped H $5 but he gave it back to me, wanted to buy lunch.
It got worse at karate, I was stupid and asked him ??s and he got irritated with me. Finally I just told him I wouldn't talk about it anymore, I would get with my attorney and our attorneys could talk. He said he was meeting with one next Friday so I didn't need one. I said, "Yeah, I do. If you have one I will need one." He said he wasn't intending to use two attorneys. I said, "That's too bad." He said his was only $1500. I said mine was $3800. He told me to find a cheaper lawyer. I said I liked the one I found. He said he didn't want to pay for it, I said my attorney already said that he would be asking for H to pay my fees since this is his idea and he makes 6 x my salary...
Wow it got ugly in a hurry. I am so lost. Feel like a newcomer. I have this irritating thing called faith that lets me keep naively wishing for things that won't happen. Like us getting back together. Now all I can sem to do is cry. H is bringing me the kids in 5 minutes and my face is so red...
I don't want to ever look at him or talk to him again. yet I know I will have to, we have 2 kids together who STILL want him to move back home.
I guess I don't know what to do. My attorney (not really mine, I just went to a 90 minute consult last October but never hired him) said that with H's company credit card and farm transactions, he suggested a forensic accountant to review all the financials. On one hand I want to do this thoroughly and make sure everything is by the book. I want him to feel the full ramifications of his decision, financially and logistically.
On the other part of me thinks, "He wants out so bad, just let him go. Make sure the kids get the $$ they need and let everything else go."
How can I still be bawling and devastated when this has been coming for 2 years?
