I want my Monkey and Sheep Back

[beepee]

I'm sorry if I came off rude Stacey, I didn't mean to. I'm just so broken.

And I know you think you miss him, but I think mostly you miss who you wish he was, who you thought he was -- the idea of him.

You're right, youre absolutely right. I thought he was a better person than that. I am sure he is, but I am sure there are things going on with him that would explain his behavior. I miss who he used to be.

And I know you said you weren't going to sign the papers, or e-mail him, etc. But you've said things like that before, and then you backslide and contact him.

I know. But this time I'm going to do it. I think what happened today has made me realize whats important in my life. Remember when I wrote earlier that my friend arrived as I got the email and I was crying my eyes out. Well, when she left, I felt alone again and I read his email over and over and sat on my bed crying and just a few minutes into crying, another friend knocked on my bedroom door out of nowhere and she was there to support me and give me all the hugs I needed.

My friends are always there for me, and you are right Stacey, I love my friends. But I just mean the one person I love in that intimate way, its a different kind of love. But I just see this as a sign, that my friends just happen to be drop by (when they live an hour away) when I get hit with an emotional bomb. I am so grateful to have them and they are so important to me and I need to focus on myself and my relationship with my beautiful friends.

Have you read "Divorce Recovery" yet?

I've read Divorce Remedy, is that the same thing?

And I think you have to move forward with the assumption that he is gone forever -- it's the only way for you to get on with your fabulous, independent life.

This is going to kill me, but I know I have to do it. He's not good for me right now. I don't know how I'm going to do it but I have to. I can't let this kill me, I feel so weak right now, I feel like giving up everything and disappearing but I will not let this mess kill me.