Thanks Pearl. I read your story in Dec/Jan and then a bit of June, but don't know that I caught it all - but think i got the jist. How did you work on your relationship from out of state? Did you actually move to CA or just planning to? It sounds like your BF came back of his own accord when you GAL. I feel like i've been doing that for past few mos and hasn't made a difference. But you're right, I haven't REALLY been doing that since the last few times we saw each other I kept talking about the R.
To answer your question about his complaints. He felt like I didn't appreciate him enough, took him for granted, put down his family and his physical appearance (i did say things past in moments of anger yes, but so did he). He felt I thought I was better than him. Those were the big complaints, plus lacking in intimacy department. Then goes to bus-school and partying all the time, I'm not as much of a partier and into yoga and 'new age' stuff - as he calls it - and thinks we are not compatible b/c of that too. That is B.S. - he was always supportive of me before in that regard.
So a 180 would be to be very complimentary of him, boost his ego, etc etc. But that is also contradictory to LRT of totally dropping the rope and leaving him alone. So what to do? So am I past 180 stage and need to fully go dark?
He still has stuff at our place and we will have some interactions end of this month when he return. I do not want a D. I want to give this another go given the lessons I have learned (similarities in our sitches in fact that i feel like i took him for granted too, maybe was selfish at times). I have learned to be more accepting of others, realize that words can hurt, when to give in and not have your way, be more patient, kind and accepting. I have tried to make myself a better person. I would never put him down again. I would be more of a team-player (he didn't think i thought of us as a team, that was a big thing too). But it's too late to 180-it and be 'team-player' at this stage, obviously?
So I guess I just move on; i can't wait for him to come around, i know. But I don't want to move across the entire country if we're not done... but at the same time i don't want to push for a D. My job allows me to travel wherever pretty much, so i've been leaving MA as much as I can and going home to SF, visiting friends in NY, and just staying really active and busy.
I guess I just need to focus on making myself a better person, regardless of the outcome. But doesn't H deserve to give us another chance given lessons I have learned? I don't want to harp on Retrov. w him but felt it was our only hope.
I'll try to lovingly detach. I've felt so low at times, and i know others can relate, regret about the past, anxiety about future, such loneliness. Your emotions back in Dec are exactly what I have been feeling. Sometimes I feel like I'm just going to fall apart.
