Just want my H back

[pearlharbr]

If you have the time or inclination, go back and read my story. It isn't as long as some others because luckily it was only 5-6 months between bomb dropping and deciding to try to work things out.

Believe me, I went through the entire range of emotions: desperately wanting him back, knowing our problems weren't unsolvable, anger at his affair, anger at myself, dropping the rope, deciding to live life without him and move out of state, uncertain that I wanted him back once I decided to move on.

I think so many people don't want to believe that GAL and working on yourself is important but I can't stress how important it is. The old adage is true, "If you love something, set it free. If it doesn't come back to you it was never really yours."

When I rediscovered myself and worked on making myself happy is when BF took notice and started reevaluating his situation.

What do you mean when you say you've already done everything you can? Simply not true. But let's go over what you have done first. What were your H's complaints about you and/or the R before he left? What don't you like about yourself or how do you think you could improve yourself? What have you done to address these issues?

Sounds to me like you're still living your life based on him: waiting to see what he does will determine what you do. You need to detach. [Caveat: I was not successful AT ALL with loving detachment. I simply reached a point when I realized that I was done and that was that. I mentally moved on so I started to physically move on with making plans to relocate to CA.]

Someone (can't remember who) recently posted this link to an excellent article on loving detachment. I'm still using it and trying to develop more every day. You cannot control what your H does. Let me repeat that: you cannot control what your H does. You can only control your own thoughts and actions. Stop dwelling on going to Retrouvaille or counseling or any other "save the M" activities. It's simply not going to happen right now. Focus on preparing yourself for your next R and making it the best one possible because you are the best HHH possible. Who that next R is with has yet to be determined. Could be H or could be someone else.