I think the reason why he blames you is b/c it's so much easier to blame you than look at himself. If he makes you the "bad guy" then he doesn't need to look at himself. I've had that kind of R too. It's not healthy.
But you know with DR, we believe that you can change the cycle. You stop emailing, stop defending. I was depressed too and felt so guilty for a long while, but I realized so what? Everyone has their #s and I also believe my H helped contribute to it by his own actions (name-calling and yelling type stuff). Not being supportive at all. But you know what, he probably did the best he can at the time just as I did. So focus on now and what you can do now. Stop emailing him in response. Maybe if you can do it you can just delete the emails before you read them, but I personally might not be able to do that so just saying.
Everyone here is being supportive of you. Yes, vent away. When someone here posts something they are trying to help you. If you don't like the advice, don't take it. But I have to say most all of the advice I see posted here is pretty good. I found out really quick that I tend to get the same advice here as I do at my C, but of course for free.
