DID XH M OW or not??

[peacetoday]

I was wondering if anyone here knew the answer to this??

If a couple got Married 6 days ago
would a M license be found on clerk of county court yet or does it take more time..to mail it in and so forth...
I searched for my xh to see if they really got M to OW
He is not wearing a wedding ring
NO M License was found for them??
But it was only 1 week ago and I remenmber having to mail all that stuff in after the ceremony
anyone know?

[job]

Are you sure they got married in the county you are searching? Some will go to other areas to do this. Then again, 6 days isn't a very long time for it to be logged in and put on the docket as being completed. Give it another week or so and then check again.

[peacetoday]

Snodderly
Thanks for responding
Im pretty sure they were gewtting M in this county
but I think you are right..it will probably take more than 6 days
I will keep checking

But NO wedding band
or did he just take it off b/c of us
or maybe she trusts him??without a band

he still hasnt told kids
I told him he could tell them
they could meet her
Im not pushing it
but if its true and he is M
Isnt it better to get it all out in the open for the kids??
THanks for your help
peace

[still hoping]

I would just assume that they did get M. But then again, I always assume the worst. Saves me from the disappointment and keeps me from having false hope.

As for having everything out in the open, I'd be the same as you and want my H to be open with kids - mostly for the sake of H having to face reality. Would it actually be better for the kids to know? I don't know... Maybe there's no rush in exposing them to ow and the probably messed up R between your exH and ow. You've already given him the green light - the next move is up to him to tell them/introduce her. Then again, maybe the M/R won't even last long enough for it to be worth their while to meet her!

[forward]

Scan the local paper. It's not a 100% guarantee that they did NOT get married, but they often show when a license is taken out.

I'm sorry you don't have some sense of this; it is probably sad not to know.

Google....

[peacetoday]

still not sure if they are really M
still no M license posted
still no wedding band on XH finger..
I may just ask him if I get the opportunity

He appears crazy
mood changes so fast
never know what to expect
I wonder how long he can stay this way
he appears sedated/ he is on medication
he never took any meds while we were M
this plays havoc on his availability to the kids and our business
he is so UNtrustworthy
It is sad
but I always hold on to hope ..not so much for us..but for him
I would still go back..but with conditions

still I am moving forward
getting closer to BF
but still not sure if I want this
although it doesnt feel wrong
BF has many nice qualities and different than xh
XH doesnt seem to notice that I am with someone now
I guess he is too into himself to care
peace

[peacetoday]

I saw XH Today
No wedding band
but I asked him
did you get married
He said YES

I felt hurt all over AGAIN
i THOUGHT MAYBE It was a mistake
deniual i guess
I cant believe he M her
so I asked about her son..
"would son be living with them?
XH got angry
there is no son
it not hers??
then he said it was a girl in between outbusts

so I cant really ask him simple personal questions
again he blamed me for setting strict boundries with kids and him ect
he tries to make the whole A and all his debt ect my fault and he believes it
sad
I feel hurt and I need to go less contact
XH continues to steal from business- just smaller amounts
hard to get him to stop as he is devious

still the part I cant get is how they can just shut it all off and go
peace

[K4D]

None of us get it.

Kevin

[dl443322]

Peace, I am so sorry you are hurt. I can only imagine how it must feel.

Sweetie, I went to my therapist today and I was talking about how I cant figure this out. I cant understand what h has done.
She told me this, imagine reading a book in a language you dont understand. You keep trying, but its no use. Eventually, you just have to put the book down.

So, we will never understand it because it doesnt make sense.

But, you are a wonderful, compassionate woman who should feel proud that you did everything in your power to save your marriage. That matters.

[peacetoday]

Thanks kevin and BM
I like what your Therapist said
it is a language we may never really understand

xh calls

He said credit card companies calling his new wife
he wondered how they got her number??
and how they knew he was remarried

I said I dont know-- maybe they got it the same way they got mine theu the cell phone bill
he said someone must have told them as there is NO record of M

well I said im sorry for his problem and said you are M so they find these things out
he said IM not M??

IM sure he M her

I just need to find a way to let him go
to let the hurt go
like you said BM It is a language I do not GET and maybe never will but time has healed me some and I want to walk from here happy and not bitter and resentful
but I still am -it comes up again to show me Im not fully in acceptance yet, so I will have to give me more time and not be angry at myself for not being done yat
peace