I want my Monkey and Sheep Back

[beepee]

I was really lucky that when I received the first and second emails, my friend knocked on my bedroom door and she walked in to me crying so she was there to console me which I was so grateful for. I spent the rest of the time taking apart the bookcase and going through my kitchen supplies that she wanted for her new apartment. She just left and I'm back to being alone with these emails again.

I promise all of you, with all of my heart, that I will not respond to any of these emails. I have taken his feelings into account for so long and worried so much about him and tried to split the blame equally between us but to him, it is and always will be my fault and that breaks my heart that he would think and act this way. He told me that he never ever thought I could treat him in the way that I did, never. And I told him the same thing. Shouldnt have, but im stopping this cycle right here.

He can do whatever the hell he wants, he can get a f*ckin divorce tomorrow for all I care. And the way he said it, "THIS IS OVER B, WE HAVE TO GET A DIVORCE, ITS NOT WHAT I WANTED BUT ITS FOR THE BEST." What the f*ck is that???

For years I've been blaming myself, being made to feel I was such a mental case and everything I said never made sense because I'm ill. And I'm so sick and tired of it. Just because I have depression doesnt mean everything I think and feel is wrong. I wish he would hit rock bottom and realize his own behaviors. I'm owning up to my negative behaviors, what the hell is he doing.