Gotta Keep Trying 2

[The Wifey]

And horrors of horrors had he met with her! You talked with him and he is emotionally upset. He could have said any number of damaging things. And you were just going to tell him to tread lightly on your delicate sitch. Whack, Whack, Whack, think man, think. And it would have been even worse if you told her you didn't put him up to it, because she would have definitely thought you had.

You handled her bringing it up well.

Now, back slowly away from the W and detach more. You are making progress, don't let others slip you up.

Whew, that was a close one.

[givingitmyall]

@Wifey, yes, you are right. I did put an end to the meeting today. God only knows what he woiuld have said. He means well, but I got it covered.

@LFH, thanks man. I wonder when the day will come and how she will be shocked into reality and the possibility of losing me.

[givingitmyall]

Oh, and I am backing away from W more today and tonight. Backing up and watching.

[Looking_For_Help]

Hey GIMA,

Back up, but may I suggest stop the watching...the watching part will drive you nuts. It nearly drove me insane.

I also wanted to add a note about DBing...it's necessary for us simply because we "lost our way" during the course of our marriages, so much so that it drove our wives away. The DBing gives us the opportunity to "fix" ourselves. Whether or not our wives want us back is a different matter altogether IMO.

Thanks,
LFH

[givingitmyall]

LFH,

VERY...GOOD...POINT. And one I will definitely take to heart.

Thanks. Hope your sitch is going in the right direction.

[Faith2010]

GIMA - Thanks for stopping by Billclay's thread. Your insight was WONDERFUL and I hope for his sake, he listens.

btw...just got up-to-date on your thread. Glad you put a stop to that meeting. As soon as I read it, bells were going off!

[givingitmyall]

Yeah, my friend has a heart of gold, but has difficulty correctly expressing himself. That has a lot to do with his M issues.

That meeting had the potential to (a) undo all my hard work and (b) get him some "advice" that was not well thought out.

The interesting thing is that my W even told me about it? Not going to get hung up on that, but I have wondered why she would bring it up. Her tone was absolutely calm and did not in any way indicate any hostility towards me (as if I put him up to this). So glad I did not get defensive or she might have thought I was involved.

Hope you are doing well. I had to chuckle at your S's actions, cuz I could see my S doing the same thing in that situation. Don't be too hard on him - he's dealing with a lot too. Just make sure to keep your H off your S's back. I would tell H his choices come with consequences, and while S may not have properly expressed his emotions ( ), his emotions are not a surprise given the circumstances. They come from the fact he loves his father and sees that R crumbling.

[givingitmyall]

Quick journal and an observation. Had a good day today. Hung out with family, did some chores around the house, washed the cars and got a little sun. Grilled some salmon and tilapia for dinner. Not bad.

I made a point of pulling back from W today. And, W seemed to follow me around for part of the day. When I went outside to wash the cars, she came out and sat on the back deck to read - this is just next to where I was washing the cars. Surprising b/c it was pretty hot. She has also seemed very chatty around me - wants to talk to me. Not really that different than the last few weeks - just more consistent now.

I am really not giving a dam$ about what happens with W's eventual decision. I can say I really felt that today. No anger or sadness. Just apathy.

I am also noticing W is not as attractive as I used to think she was, and I don't think that is b/c she has hurt me. I had a great workout this morning, and the scenery was pretty impressive as well. Mornings like this make me realize there are many very wonderful women out there who would be happy to be involved with me. I knew that was the case, but seeing the proof is great.

So, does the LBS reach a point where their concern is that the WAS is not going to change their mind before the LBS looses interest in the WAS? I'm not scared of this. I just recognize it.

[givingitmyall]

Just got back from church. It never ceases to amaze me how when I go to church, the message always seems to be tailored just for me and what I'm going through.

This morning, the priest's sermon relied upon a marriage blessing (Did he just say the M word?) . We are Episcopalean, and the priest pulled inspiration from the following M blessing from our M ceremony (others may have this too):

Make their life together a sign of Christ's love to this sinful and broken world, that unity may overcome estrangement, forgiveness heal guilt, and joy conquer despair.

WOW! Was I the only one God expected to show up for church today? Did W hear that? And how on point is that?

Unlike in the past when something in the sermon talked about M, I was really uplifted this morning. I gained a lot of strength to know (again) exactly what I'm fighting for. And, I am not fearful or nervous if the worst happens b/c I have let that go. It's not up to me.

So, it's time to finish the yard chores around the house and make the last minute preparations for the kids to return to school tomorrow.

I am NOT watching or waiting to see if W took anything away from the sermon this morning, but it would be impossible to ignore the message. Thanks God.

Hope everyone has a great day.

[mac-ct]

gima - after seeing Ashlee's post above I dropped in on Bill and saw your reply.

Gives me hope.

The one thing I really need your help with is when you said ...

"The reason I believe your W staying under the same roof as you is important is b/c it is much easier for her to see your changes if she is around every day. That can still be done if she moves out, but it is more difficult."

How the heck do I manage this? Been apart 9 weeks now. Seen her perhaps 5 times to discuss money (great). Nothing except a text blast two weeks ago.

'elp! Throw me a bone here

Mac