So H is pacing about the master bedroom like a lion in the cage yesterday evening. I know the drill by now: the humour is NOT good and there`s gonna be some fall out later on.

He pretends to watch a movie while laying the bed with DS11. I`m heading to bed anyway and hop in. H is none too thrilled. He gets up and I chat with DS11. When he leaves I switch on the TV again to see what the movie`s like. It looks promising enough but then H comes in and stands right square in front of the tv so I can`t see it. DS comes back too and I goof about with him. H leaves.

He`s back five minutes later
H: When are we going to tell the kids?
FG:When are we gonna tell the kids what?

Yuo, he`s going straight for the jugular-S talk. Wants us to tell the kids even though we have no arrangements made for S-no place for H to go to(I`m not leaving-you can go!), no talk about what to tell them re reasons or implcations for all of us.

H is getting angry at my reasoning-I don`t say much, just obvious questions re what shape S would take and he starts to use bad language. I call him on this. so he gets insulting, I stick my fingers in my ears so then he calms down. Sort of.

Then comes the bone cruncher.
H: THe kids will never go down to (his home town) again
FG Never ever?
I`m surprised at this turn of events. So this is what the S talk is all about-MIL must of issued an ultimatum to H and he may well be threatening to withdraw the kids from her ever seeing them again.

He says he hasn`t told him sibs about S but that "they know our problems already"

Then he says "I can never go home again because of F**kin` YOU" and he raises his hands in a choking gesture while spitting out the words through gritted teeth. I`m lying in bed totally composed. He hasn`t succeeded to angering or upsetting me.

I tell him not to use that language to me but he`s leaving the room anyway. And I don`t go after him. I sleep well. He`s still in his Black Mood today-no apologies, no talk(though I pass a couple of comments).

Oh, I also forgot to add that the AH deleted all the cellphone numbers of my friends and family(yes, even my elderly frail Mum) on my cell phone.

Easily recovered I know but it shows you just how full of hatred he is.

I`m fine by the way. I feel calm and centred and have lots of other good things going on already today.Just not sure how much more of this I can and should take.

I believe H`s problem-and so does my T-is mainly rooted in his childhood experiences. I believe there is a better man lurking deep down there in the depths. I believe in unconditional love, in forgiveness, in hope. I believe in the moral of the Prodigal Son story and apply it to my Prodigal Husband.

But I`m not at all sure I`m right.

Do I need more hope? Or just a reality check at this point?

Thanks!

Thanks for you posts Cat and Storm. Kinda rushing this update out before H gets back so will respond to them when I can.