I want my Monkey and Sheep Back

[beepee]

Look, I understand everything you're saying and I'm agreeing with everything you're saying Puppy. I really, really do. But all I am saying is that it is still hard.

Riding the bike was a mistake for the girl in the story despite what everyone said but at least she knows the consequences of her actions and she learns from it. I know the consequences, I'm still learning from my mistakes, I'm still trying to to prevent anymore mistakes. I'm trying...

[karen43]

Beepee, I used to do the same thing for months. H would email me and accuse me of whatever. I would defend myself and we would have these email wars just keep going until I finally stopped. Like a dozen emails a day usually. How that helped: it didn't. Probably confirmed in H's mind that's why he had to leave me or something. It doesn't help so why bother? You just lower your PMA , go down a cheeseless tunnel, and nothing positive comes from that. Plus, logic doesn't work with WAS. It took me again months to finally realize that after many here would tell me. It's really true.

With time, it's taken months, I've gotten better. He sends me a poke, it is just like that. And I 99.9% of the time just ignore it. I think it's good. You can do it!!! Karen

[beepee]

Thanks for the support Karen. OK everybody. Here is the email that I just received, a really sh*tty email.

"I just looked at your email and its really really long,
so I can't read it all now,
but I read the last paragraph, and I still don't understand why you keep thinking that I don't want to see you
and that I may leave or whatever, without seeing you.
How many times do I have to tell you that I miss you too? That I want to give you a hug too, but cant.
This is over B, we're getting a divorce, and I'm not happy about it in one sense, but I also know it's for the
best.
I read your paragraph about my parents and coming over to Ireland and I don't think you understood what I was
trying to point out. I wasn't trying to say that you should be grateful for their love and I wasn't saying that you did
something wrong, I was trying to tell you where they were coming from, not you, 'cos I can't speak for you, and I was
trying to describe what they were going through so you'd have an idea of what was going on in the background.
I was in no way at all trying to get at things in the way that you picked up on, and it worries me that you couldn't see
that. I felt you were being very defensive, and I expect that, but it's too hard. It's too hard to explain all these things
when every little comment, and every little act, when it's all misunderstood.
But then again, that's what I was living every day.

I'm back to being overwhelmed.
So, anyway, I'm not stressed about it and I'm not trying to project any negativity towards you, I'm just taken aback.

I wish it was easier to communicate with you,
but these emails are too long, there's too much hurt and I can't do this every day. We have to start letting go, and
leaving all those thoughts behind. **** said to you more than 6 months ago, if you can't let it go then maybe you
guys have to split. Taking all the negativity with us everday, wherever we went, work, shopping whatever, it was all turning
into a monster, and it wasn't an amazing thing, you know that. It was a terrible terrible struggle.

The signature I was asking of you, like I said before, does not involve anything other than signing your name and dating a form.
The form is to confirm that we got married. There are no legal ramifications to signing it and no repercussions whatsoever.
The way it works is that I file the form and if it goes straight through, which 80% do, there are no further forms or interviews and
you are not put in a position that is uncompromising. If things change after filing that form, something like filing for divorce, then
there are no repercussions. I have spoken to 3 separate attorney's about this, all immigration experts.

I'm sorry, I've just read the paragraph you wrote about the professional advice you got regarding my emails
and being manipulative and stuff. Their advice seems to me to be unprofessional, and that may be for two
reasons. 1. They're not very good at their job. 2. You are not telling them the whole truth.

I'm not writing any more now,

I'm very very disappointed at that 'advice' that you received,
if you actually did, I just can't tell anymore,

I should stop emailing you, if that person you're talking to believes
that I'm being manipulative and trying to give you a guilt trip, then
I really have to think twice about contacting you for a very very long time.

That is not my intention, and I will not be misunderstood. I have gone
OUT of my way to try to explain things in as impartial and objective
a way as possible.

If that person you are talking to is giving you this advice in order to make
you feel better about yourself, then I'm sure it's working.
But to me, it's [censored] bullshit.
If they knew the parameters and the intricacies of our relationship and
exactly what's happened here, I would hope they wouldn't impart that kind of advice.

I'm really sorry you didn't get the job,
I hope you sold enough stuff on ebay, it was looking good,

have a good weekend

D

[beepee]

I showed my C the emails I wrote and what he wrote, she thought we were both manipulative and thats what I told him, because he has told me in a previous email that I would benefit from showin these emails to a third party and it might help me (I did that before he gave me that "advice").

[beepee]

ARGH!!!!!

What is wrong with him!!!!
I have told him the absolute truth about everything!!
I'm so f*cking p*ssed off! Why can't he take the blame for ANYTHING. I never said in the email i wrote to him that HE was being manipulative...I said WE BOTH were!!
I can't stand this, I can't stand this, I can't stand this.

[karen43]

Ok, I read it. I don't believe there is one thing that you should respond to. I read 5 or 6 things in there that are all about him being victim/martyr and all the stuff he goes through. You misunderstand everything he says, it's all a terrible terrible struggle, etc. That's about him, not you. It's all you: you misunderstand, you're defensive, you're so difficult, and he's just a victim/martyr or whatever. Don't buy into that or respond to that. There is NO point. Karen

[beepee]

Thank you Karen,
I can't stop crying. this hurts so much

But anyway, here is a follow-up email he just sent..

""and remember, emails are like text messages, the tone of the words can get lost in translation.

I can't say where the fault is or where blame lies, because you're hurting and you need to heal.

I can't say everything I really think and feel, but I can say that I'm really happy that you're getting help
and it sounds like you've got some people that will listen and be impartial to your thoughts and feelings,
and that's a great thing.

I'm really proud of you.""

[karen43]

Just ignore that. Be too busy to respond. Ignore and GAL, ignore and GAL. What are your plans for today? If you're tempted to email him, post here instead! Karen

[Virtually_Handsome]

((((((beepee)))))

What Karen said!

[beepee]

Thanks everyone, he just sent me another message, here it is:


""you know, I was wrong to say that I'd have to reconsider talking for a very long time, and I apologise,
that's not nice and I take it back. I was just taken aback myself by what I read.
I totally disagree with it, and everything else I've read pretty much, but that's another story,
the same old story, but another story too.
I still want you as a friend in my life, I've always said that, and I know that it may not be possible,
but I just want to say sorry.
I don't want to tear bridges down""

Do I ignore this to? Do I just don't respond back to any of these, EVER???