Thanks for your message and your support. The only other thing I might add, in response to PearlHarbr's comment
"I wouldn't talk to your H's friend just yet. First you need to figure out who you are and what you can do to be the best HHH possible"
is that i feel like i've already done everything I can. I feel like i've tried to make myself a better person and get back in touch with the old 'hhh' - working on myself, my confidence, etc (even H told me before he left he had seem some changes, but felt it was too late), figuring out who I am and what i want. For awhile I was the one that was wafting more in my relationship (which H got sick of my doubting if 'he was the one'). Now that he's been gone i've reflected and he's absolutely the one i want to be with. i've told him this ad naseaum, he feels he cannot trust that i wont have doubts again and that he's just moved on himself anyway, that it's not just me but also he now who wants different things. It's like our timing has been off over the years, with one at times being more committed and the other less so (but never any infidelity during M, just one off being more into the M and then less so).
So I feel like talking to his friend or family member might be last resort, to try to see if they can encourage him to give it another chance. I've had issues w his family (we're different backgrounds and they think i judge them, not true, but they are sensitive about this) so don't think they would support me. A mutual male friend (that's more his friend of course) i thought might be more helpful. But i dont want to seem desperate..it could be a turnoff but could also help... want to see if there is anything I can do to save this marriage, beyond just taking care of myself and GAL.
