ok, my thoughts on your last little encounter. Your H seems to let off steam in big way, then opens his window for the 30 sec chat to you. Given that as a kid he would have seen no skills in how to positively resolve relationship issues, and where he is now in la la land he can't think it through for himself, I reckon he is really asking you at that time to be his Lighthouse, as the very early posts refer to it (eg Yellowrose).
The first part, is that he needs you to say "I believe in us, and we CAN resolve this, and move to a better place". He needs to see you still believe in you, if that makes sense? You are the Lighthouse, shining through his fog.
And the second part, is that he needs you to suggest something he can do to move along, he needs help there. Not "you need to sort your anger out" but "when the time is right, and we can talk in a chillout out way, we will be able to start moving through this and putting this stuff behind us" (thats just an example, you will know much better than me) Words such as Stuff can be good, as it it general. Some sort of way so that when he is ready to try to move forward, there is A path he can take. It won't be the right path for him, thats his job, but it might be a path that can lead to the path he really needs. Does that make sense???
Its about getting things set up for when he does look back at you.
