ok, so spent most of the week galing, I have been accepting all invites, especially evening ones that are toddler friendly AND involve wine (with a non drinker on call to act as a taxi if needed). Got two such invites last week, going well! Beautiful weather here, so have upped outdoors activity significantly also (limit tv and computer time for all was another aim). One quick trip to emergency departmant at local hospital (toddler/wall incident, confirming all ok, it was!).
Found a great job, if kids were not so little. Spent couple days looking into it, as they only come along every year or so around here, but too much overtime, would need a nanny full time with kids at the moment and dont want to go down that path right now. Still, putting out the feelers there, making a few moves, that felt good.
Also thought I should focus this week on detaching and zero expectations, so got together my little mantras to help with that headspace again. Kind of worked pretty well, then day before H was due to return got a couple of calls from him (first time more than one call for a few months), message to call back and chat if I wanted, pre crisis H decided to peak out from behind his wall for a moment. SIL starts commenting on how H seems like he hasn't for ages same day, and next day when H returns, walks in the door as pre crisis H. Having just spent the week in full detachment mode, and of course playing things cool like this was to be expected, my head started to feel a little like a bowl of spagetti, but focussed on the moment and spent a great 24 hours kicking around home. Very minor future talk as working in the garden, such as these plants would survive long term there, but we have avoided such topics for a long time, so it was a safe area to start to dip toe in.
Pre crisis H got quite tired at coming to visit so after two days is withdrawing again, to be expected. Last big withdrawal lasted just under three weeks. If things ARE moving in the right direction, and if H is in MCL, he would be moving through the Withdrawal stage, and withdrawals should be getting shorter on average over time. Something to monitor anyway.
ok, so am going well still, but head is not sure which way is up or down! Just keep focusing on what I am doing, and expect rest of the week to see withdrawal continue. Will continue doing what I have been, and at the end of the week go back to the zero expectations mantras. For the first time it seems as if the wall may not be insurmountable, which seems like a very dangerous thing for me to think and one that could set me up for a big fall. Keep living in the moment
