Had dinner. He says he has made up his mind, there is nothing in the marriage for him anymore, wants to do just guy stuff with guys (his single friends).
I know it was wrong but I had to let him know that i was angry and disappointed in the manner in which he has gone about everything. I said that just because he was leaving he would not be able to walk away from his responsibilities to his D, she is still at school.
I did not ask him to stay or beg or grovel or any of that. It is hard Mac to not get upset at what he says, it is like the past 26 years as a couple has just been written off and doesn't matter and never existed.
He admitted tonight that all he cares about is himself and no one else in the same breath says that all the stuff he said the past couple of times after he went away and came back about loving me, needing to be with me etc etc was all true and not lies. Talk about mess with my head I no longer know what to believe.
I still love him and don't want to give up on the M but he says he has given up totally. Do I continue to fight and follow the program, continue with GAL and ride the rollercoaster ride or do I throw in the towel.
Our house settles in 3 weeks and I have to make a quick decision and find somewhere for myself and our daughter to live, the poor kid is coming up for end of year exams and I worry about how this will affect her, the first time he left she was devastated and cried for days. I guess I have to think of us and only us now and ensure that we are okay. I have never been on my own nor had to do anything like this on my own or live without my H. I feel like I am running on auto pilot at the moment.
I want to cry, I want to scream, I want to vent my anger and despair but am afraid if I do I won't be able to stop. My S is going to take some leave at the end of the month and come home and help me move and spend some time with me for this I am grateful and also grateful that he is nothing like his father, he is a much more compassionate, gentle human being.
I have one very close girlfriend who has been through this as well but apart from her, everyone on this site is all I have. I can't tell you how good it feels to be able to just write all this down and know that no one is judging me but that you are all there with wisdom.
I haven't cried yet, want to so much but afraid I won't be able to stop, feel I need to put the emotional side on hold until I sort out all the living arrangements and moving etc, don't even know if I have the strength to do that, but have to. He has gone out now, don't know where, don't really care, well I do, but I can't show that I do.
I know this is a stupid question, do I leave my rings on or remove them, he has never worn a ring. I just don't know if I am going to be able to do it just yet. I guess there is no right or wrong time, I still consider myself married.
