I see some similarities between your W and my X. My X's mlc began with her wanting to go our with the girls from work a couple of times a week with the excuse she needed to build relationship with them as they work for her. They are all a bit younger than X. She would always leave me with the kids often calling last minute and not come home when she said she would. Her children had been the focus of her life up until this time.
She met a freshly divorced guy while out with these girls who ran in the same group of singles. Yes, the rest were all single, some divorced. She married him a couple of weeks ago.
You sound stronger in many ways than I was. They do become very immature and selfish, as if they are 16 again. They often repeat patterns established by their parents. I'm about 3 years into this with my X and everytime I think it can't get worse it does. I once read mlcs last from 3 to 5 years. I begun to expect hers to last 6. That's breaking a basic rule of "no expectations."
For now you are not keeping her from what she wants. When she sees you as standing in the way of what she believes will bring her happiness she will turn on you.
I cannot stress the following statement enough.
EXPECT THE WORST.
If the "worst" happens you'll be better prepard and if it doesn't you'll be pleasantly surprised. A win/win sitch for you.
Get counseling for yourself if you wish but expect NOTHING from her going. Mine went to a few sessions with me at the beginning and look where we are.
You'll survive, you may even grow. Love your kids as much and as often as you can. You may be all they have for a while.
"The answers are within you" (can't remember who). Unfortunately, so is the bullshit.
