Not Me...Ever part 2

[kara]

Hi Serenity

I don't think that it is some truth deep inside him but only he will know for sure.

I think that these are statements that any WAS or even LBS may think or say at some time. He may be trying to justify his actions. I know it hurts but try not to sweat it too much.

[Faith2010]

I have a question for all you LBS -

My hubby has said some awful things in the past few months and I keep hearing more from other parties as time goes on...

I heard yesterday that he said "I was the biggest mistake of his life" and after reconnecting with his ex/gf "He married the wrong woman"...

Now granted these were said before the PA took place but in the time the EA was happening...

My question - Are these truths deep inside of him?

I can't wrap my mind around these even coming out of his mouth and even though they were said not directly to me, it still is like a slap in my face...

Serenity-

I think the words your H spoke are typical of any person in your H's sitch (an adulterer). H tried to convince others your M was a mistake as a way to rationalize his behavior (i.e. misbehavior). He was really trying to convince himself. Not for a second do I believe those were truths deep down inside.

Of course it feels like a slap in the face. You're only human. Honestly, I don't understand why the 'other parties' are telling you these things. Do people really not understand that all it will do is hurt you?

Keep in mind, the person your H has become is not the man you married. Hopefully that man will return someday.

[Serenity13]

Thank you Kara and Ash...

I didn't want to think these were his "real" feelings because it did sting...

Especially since he told others this and not me...

I think they tell me to let me know what has been said in the past few months...

Not that it makes me feel any better that is for sure...

I had a call from my Pastor last night who forced me to put things back into perspective...

I kept focusing on what has been lost and he wants me to focus on what I have...

He said he has been thinking about my husband and I and thinks I need to let go - I am assuming that doesn't mean run out and file for divorce though...

I think he means I need to stop letting these thoughts get in there and consume me...

Apparently I am not doing as good as I thought I was lol

Happy thoughts for all (((Hugs)))

[mac-ct]

Serenity,

Remember the "confused other party" in this sitch?

Sounds like he's using others because he's worked out the "direct approach" just wasn't working. Good on you!

Just because others are now involved doesn't change a thing as far as you are concerned. Except showing these same people just what a poop hole he's turning into.

I really don't like "keeping score" - has to many negative connotations but in this case who do you think is on top? Who do you think other people relate to positively?

As you said to me - you have no control over anyone else but yourself.

Pastor man is right. Look after Serenity. Be Serenity.

Loads and loads of hugs to you and yours honey.

Take a swing round to "my place" - take your mind off your crud and see if you can give me an injection of reality

Share and share alike

Mac

[mac-ct]

Hey Serenity,

Just a quick nudge 'cos you've gone very quiet.

You have to check out Steve McQueens thread - he doesn't know who Godsmacked are

(((((Serenity)))))

Mac

[Deep]

That's just another typical excuse for your H, Serenity, as others have pointed out.

Besides, life is such that hindsight is always perfect, and a fantasy one even more so! Never mind that it's purely delusional. I came across a quote I liked, from of all people Tolkien.

"Nearly all marriages, even happy ones, are mistakes: in the sense that almost certainly (in a more perfect world, or even with a little more care in this very imperfect one) both partners might be found more suitable mates. But the real soul-mate is the one you are actually married to."

And your pastor has a point - focus on the positives.

Good thoughts to you too

[The Wifey]

I had a call from my Pastor last night who forced me to put things back into perspective...

I kept focusing on what has been lost and he wants me to focus on what I have...

He said he has been thinking about my husband and I and thinks I need to let go - I am assuming that doesn't mean run out and file for divorce though...

I think he means I need to stop letting these thoughts get in there and consume me...

Apparently I am not doing as good as I thought I was lol

Happy thoughts for all (((Hugs)))

(((Serenity)))

Something that helps me is a gratefulness journal. Even on my lowest, most awful days, I can think of things I am grateful. Talk about focusing, it really opens your eyes to actually write down what you have.

As for your H's comments - he is justifying and trying to give reasons why he is an adulterer. Trying to make himself look better - and failing miserably.

I would ask your "friends" to only tell you things that threaten you legally. If it is just a running commentary on what he says it is far too painful and damaging, and if they are truly friends then they will refrain.

Anyone that doesn't respect this statement you should minimize time with.

[Serenity13]

Good morning and thank you Mac, Deep and Wifey...

Hope all is well with you all this Monday morning...

Mac - I will visit Steve as soon as I am done here and let him know all about Godsmack

Deep - Thank you for the quote, I wrote it in my book

Wifey - That is perfect and something I will be saying to a lot of people shortly - Thank you very much

(((Hugs to you all)))


Journaling:
Haven't heard from hubby since last Monday...Not since that kiss we shared and then he left from here mad for whatever reason...He did text the oldest one yesterday and apparently has now set himself up a Myspace so wanted to be friends with oldest on there...I looked at his page today and the first thing that caught my eye was he noted he was single

I haven't slept good the last few days and it seems to be catching up with me...Today I feel down and broken...Like one more thing and it will all break...I can feel tears burning but they haven't fallen yet...

I don't feel I am as far as I want to be...I try so hard to not focus on him and his mess but it creeps in there throughout the day and then just goes from there...

I am not feeling God as close as I was...I feel like I am in a snowglobe and someone came along and shook it all up, now the snow is falling but instead of it being snow it is all the pieces of my life scattered all over the place and quite frankly I don't know where to begin today...

I still awoke this morning and said my prayers and sent up my thanks for all I do have but I feel off...Numb and I thought I was done with the numbness...Hollow and I thought I was out of the fog that has engulfed me for the last few weeks...

I was told not to ask for a lighter load but ask for a stronger back - I guess I now know what that means.

[mac-ct]

Hi Serenity!

So he's now a single Pillock. Wonder what the S will say to him about that!?

Honey - I know the feeling about no sleep. I also go to bed late at night, grab my Bible and say "Right God - just me and you". Sometimes the prayers start out just fine - thanking for the day gone by, praying for friends, family, asking for forgiveness for myself for thinking "things", forgiveness for others including W and the "F!", asking Him to shine a light on my W.

And then it sometimes goes off track. Nothing I can do about it. Just grin and bear it and hope He's still listening to my disjointed thoughts. And can make some sense and dole out a little help.

Only some nights.

Serenity - you have to stay strong. For yourself, for your family and for us.

As Sir Paul McCartney says "We All Stick Together" - not going to try to sing it I promise

Put one foot in front of the other. Waking to find yourself still breathing is a great start to any day.

And the final thought - by me - "The brightest and freshest of days appear after the fox has cleared."

If that was said by someone else (didn't Google to check) my apologies - cheque will be in the Post - with my books!

© Mac

[Serenity13]

Hi Mac...

It is always nice to know I can count on you and everyone else on here to pick me up when I feel like I just can't do it one more minute...

I know at this moment he "feels" single but it still hurt none the less seeing it...

I am supposed to stay off of his FB and our cell account - Part of my letting go is not checking on how many texts and calls have been made the previous day...I guess I have to add MS to the mix as well...

I never knew loving someone could hurt so deeply

I am going to check on your weekend and see how you have been