I want my Monkey and Sheep Back

[beepee]

Hi Everyone,

Had a really hectic day today. It was fun though, walked around the neighborhood with my BF and hung out with her for a bit. Then had to come back home and pack a ton of stuff and clear the bedroom for my friends to come over and take my extremely large bookcase that needs to be taken apart. I'm so tired and beat.

Wifey, I deleted everything of this. I don't want to keep it anymore. I made a huge mistake of replying to his email in rage. I was so angry at what he was saying that I wasn't the nicest person in the email, I really ripped him apart and I'm so sorry that I did it. It was a huge mistake and I feel like what I said to him in the email would anger him so much that he's not going to respond to me. He said he would email me tonight, but as usual...no email. Which is fine with me. Nothing left to think about. If he does email back, it will probably be filled with angry remarks in response to my email. I will make sure to post it on here if he does email me. I don't want to think about it anymore. If he emails me fine, if he doesnt, fine.

My life is starting to get really busy and I don't have time to think about this as much as I used to. Lots of dates with my friends, packing and moving everything, selling at the market, so much stuff to go through before moving out. It feels neverending sometimes because theres just SO MUCH STUFF. But it keeps me busy so thats always good.

My BF and I were talking about my H and how it seems to be the end now. If I don't sign those papers, it really is the end. Its a sad reality but I this is better for me. I have to look out for myself. I can't worry about him anymore. I've neglected myself for so long worrying about what he's doing, who he's doing it with, where he is etc etc. No more. I said what I wanted to say to him in that last email. If he responds angrily, I won't email him back. I'll give it to you guys first and see what you think.

I just want to thank everyone who's been there for me and for continuing to help me through this very tough time in my life. I don't know where I'd be if it weren't for all of you. I'm not making as much progress as I'd like and I'm always doing the wrong thing when it comes to H and I thank you all for your patience. I am going to try harder to stop this vicious cycle. I need to do a 180 and be the person in the relationship that doesnt make any contact and put myself above everything else.

Don't give up on me guys, even though I want to give up on myself sometimes, I need so much help. I don't know how much longer I can last in all of this before giving up and quitting but I'll give it my all. I'll make sure i've done everything I possibly could to make this work before finally giving up.

I'm sleepy. I need to sleep. Goodnight everyone