You are getting some excellent advice from shocked and wifey. Listen up.
One of the things that is understandably difficult at first is your reluctance to own up to the fact that your M is dead and isn't ever coming back (dont freak out yet). You have to start preparing yourself for your next R by changing you FOR YOU. You hope that next R is with your W, but it will be different, and MUCH better than what you have had to date.
So, at this point, as hard as it may be, you have to view her as a good friend, not your W. It doesn't mean you don't love her anymore or that you are giving up on the M. But, it does mean that anything she can perceive as pursuit has to stop. It makes you look weak and unattractive.
Get busy with GAL'ing, and this can include things with you and your kids. You will be able to spend time with your kids and your W will see that. A woman loves to see a man playing with her kids, especially when that man is the children's father.
The other thing is patience. You will have to have a lot of patience. Right now, you probably feel like time is your enemy. It isn't. It's definitely on your side. The longer you can live your changes where your W can see them, the better your chances are. But you have to be patient (not one of my strongpoints either).
