Dave, that may be one of the best(at least in my opinion)posts Ive ever seen. After reading all of your sitch, you in particular have been an inspiration for me most, because of the similarity's in our worlds. I pray for you often, and hope your changes in your R only get better, and stronger. I hope to get where you are with your strength, and patience... cause Ive always wore my emotions on my sleeve. I Thought through my life it was a good thing, cause what you see is what you get... but in this case it only tends to make me needy, impulsive, insecure, and controlling. Not something I'm proud of, but I will say that most of my control, was never really control, more of a bid for it. My W has always been the boss so to speak, she made the rules, and that's that. So when I tried to put down some rules toward the end of the R, well it was perceived as something more. Just so you know, my rules weren't really rules just more of pleas like "if your working late call me" "stop lying" stuff like that, sounds kinda pitiful I know. I do acknowledge trying to look at her phone and computer, but that's because she went so far out of her way to hide them from me. She said last Saturday that she was always checking out my phone, didn't bother me I had nothing to hide. Nearly all of her actions made me more insecure and so on, and so on... no excuse, just wish I knew then what I know now.
As far as the differences in our RO... the truth is there is no difference, except that I'm not restrained from my D. I know this is the part where everyone tells me how stupid I am for having any contact with my W, but she tells me that as long as I don't do something "stupid" and respect her(no R talks only stuff about D) then there's nothing to worry about. Truth is we have HAD plenty R talks(I'm hoping to be strong enough to put the kibosh on that) yet she still talks to me. On the flip side she will take the phone from the D and talk to me but she will not call me, or accept any of my call. She does text me back if I talk to her about something important, like my Doctor appt, or like today a little boy was picking on my D at camp cause she couldn't see me. I texted the W and asked her if she wanted to take care of this, or if she wanted me to.... we worked it out and again she isn't overly warm, but the isn't cold either. There are thank you's and your welcomes, followed by a smiley face. In the beginning there would have been no reply. Is this a baby step?
I guess I'm afraid I might be looking for good where there may be none. Tomorrow I get my D, and Ill be strong. The game plan goes as follows 1. Looking good, smelling good 2. Up beat and happy 3. Tell a quick joke about accountants(that's what she is) 4. Then depart with a passing compliment, as I'm walking away
Any inputs anyone? Any suggestions on a good one liner joke, or appropriate compliment?
Last but not least, one thing I wish I could address with the W is our D. Shes 10, and is becoming more and more sad, I talk to her on her cell phone probably 10 times a day, including saying her goodnight prayers every night. She says that her and mommy don't do anything fun anymore. She told me that Mommy picks her up from the b-sitter, cooks, then either gets on computer or is on the phone till, D goes to sleep, then stays on longer. My D is becoming very lonely. She has lost not just her Daddy, but also her older brother. This is a touchy subject, cause of the fragility of our R. What should I do?
Thanks as always and sling some prayers my direction, I always get real stressed just before seeing my W on Saturdays. Have a good weekend everyone
