I locked H out of the house last night. It was 2am and no H, no contact from him where he might be. I got up and locked the front door. Left the back one unlocked but when he did arrive he chose to sleep outside somewhere rather than coming in where he knew I would know.
Earlier in the evening he txtd and called, but didn't happen to mention working late or whatever...
This morning I was just getting on the bike to leave for work and he strolled by, looked surprised to see me. He listened and waited for me to finish my phone call and then launched into coversation about day to day stuff and asked about my evening and said some things to IMPLY where he may have been but no outright offer saying where he was so late.
I don't feel anger, I don't feel sad, I feel strong for finally enforcing a boundary I have said to H that if he couldn't contact me about late night whereabouts then don't bother coming home. Right or wrong, I did it. Don't know what's next but I expect nothing more will come of this if I don't drive it. That's where I get confused now, do I ask him to explain where he was until 2am or just wait and see what his next action is?
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
It feels to me, from a long ways away, that he is comfortable with the status quo, and therefore is comfortable with you, as long as you seem to be accepting things as they are.
Enforcing the boundary was clearly a good thing. I do think you are right, though, if you don't follow up on it, it will just "go away". But what can you say that would be useful? He'll get defensive, make excuses, and most likely, lie. Then where are you? Grrrrr......
Truth be told, I'm about as comfortable as H is with this status quo but I have bouts of arguing with myself and the need or want for passion and romance in my life. I think I'm still young enough that I don't want the rest of my years going by without simple hugs and kisses, and more.
So, the day after I locked H out life goes on as usual for us. H calls and asks me to do him a favor, H is home 'early' the next night, he is working with horses, he drops hints where he is, he calls again. For my H, this is swallowing his pride, this is reaching out. OR, is it just pacifying me? perspective I guess!
I also keep remembering that H told me he is shy. He was actually afraid to ask me to marry him. He said I said no the first time, and I didn't even know there was a first time! Idunno, do I make it too hard or too easy? I still feel an urge for R talk.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
Well, you know that usually the advice is no R talk. But I don't think your case is the usual, at this point.
You've been at this long enough, I have a feeling your little urges might be worth listening to. A little nudge on the situation might be a good thing. But, as you know, the response you get might not be the response you want, so you have to be ready for that, too!
I'm flying out there. Will you lock me out too please?
LOL. FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Hey FIB, I didn't say there was sex, I said it would be great to HAVE sex! Fly on out if you want but remember - no expectations! HAHA hilarious again!!
Actually, I did ask H about sex, he declined. I asked him why, he said it was too hot. Now that I think about that more I should have asked him if he meant the temperature or ME!! Too hot to handle! yup, that's me!! Gosh, am I on a roll or what!!
That was about the extent of the R talk, other than he said he has no plans. He wouldn't say what he didn't have plans about. See how confused we are? jeesh
H has honored my 'boundary' since he got locked out. If he has been gone late in the evenings he is in communication with me. He also encouraged and accepted an invitation for us to get together with friends. I wish he would have showed up. He is home to ride more, working with our horses. I wish he wouldn't be so crabby when I ride and he offers advice. He received a horse in for training. I wish he would have told me before the horse showed up.
Is the glass half empty or half full?
I need to find a way to release my frustrations and anger, it's building and ready to blow!
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
How nice the weekend kicked in to full swing tonight. We had a big crowd complete with cowboy singer. Some of the ladies I traveled with to a show a few weeks back started talking about a guy that was at the show, how we all agreed what a nice package he was, I talked about his horses and his barn and his W, and by that time H got up and walked away. ?? Does he think I just go crawl in a corner when he's not around and won't come with me? huh!
H even opted out of some work tonight to come home and be part of the festivities. Now he has to be out the door before the crack of dawn to make it up.
Nice plans for the rest of the weekend coming up. My 26 year old horse goes back to the show ring to help a young rider improve. He's raised dozens of kids already but he does love the pampering.
Embrace and Enjoy!
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
My horse went Grand Champion at the show with his young rider! Not bad for a 26 year old horse that is semi retired from the show ring!
My nephew finished top 5 in the Big Feature stock car race. Running top 5 in point standings for the season.
I was still buzzing high from the great day well after midnight. H was on the couch with all the lights on. I asked if he wanted to come to bed. He did. Stayed the rest of the night.
H hung around and talked while I was painting fence this morning. Then he went to give a 4H clinic today, teaching them how to handle lariats.
The bridge is out across our creek, H offered me a hand as I was crossing on the stones. I blew it and missed my chance to fall into his arms! Dang!
He is more and more the guy I've always believed is still deep inside of him. I just don't know how to wake up the passion and romance and confidence in each other we are still lacking.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
