Going straight forward...antlers 5th thread.

[antlers]

The work you have done on yourself and the insight you have gained as a man has been amazing.

There comes a time though when enough is enough with the verbal abuse and absolute rudeness we will tolerate from a WAS.

If she is angry at you that is her issue to own and work through. Or, she can stay angry and bitter forever. Either way its her choice. However, its high time she clearly understand you will no longer tolerate her lashing out at you.

There is a way to present this boundary to her in a loving and kind manner but IMO it must be done soon. Not only to show her that you arent her verbal punching bag but really, your children will pick up on this anger and that wont help a darn thing.

My H (not recently but early on in our situation) said some very ugly things to me. And for a long while I not only tolerated it but was foolish enough to validate it. Its all in the presentation. Eventually though I realized that all I was doing was validating terrible behavior which actually enabled him to continue doing it. I set my boundaries and when he tried to push them (which he did) I had to become more hardcore. I never once was ugly, nasty or unkind to him. I never raised my voice or called him names but I was *very* clear that *if* I chose to converse with him he was going to do so in a manner that showed respect and civility.

I am sorry my H was hurt and chose not to tell me. I am sorry my H was filled with guilt for his affair and lashed out at me but I refused to be treated like a second class citizen for his issues.

You want to talk? Lets talk. The subjects might be hard to talk about but if a conversation does take place there is no place for being ugly and showing zero respect.

I sound like a hard *ss, I know, but eventually you get saturated from the way a WAS talks to you. If you cant speak to me like an equal then dont speak to me at all. Its very simple.

Hi CityGirl.

Sound wisdom, from the beginning of your post, to the end of it. And insightful too! I agree wholeheartedly with everything you say here. I'm there. Enough is enough. It's a fine line to present this boundry to her, especially from me and considering the way I've been in the past, in a compassionate manner...and at the same time, let her know that this disrespectful communication is unacceptable.
You gave me a lot of good info. and insight in this post...and I will definately use it. Thank You!

ps - I hope you're doin' OK...and thanks for the 'attaboy'!