Getting Un"Stuck" - Giving My Burden to God

[MrBond]

Saw this article that described what one woman did in the grips of her husband's MLC. It was a great read.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/08/02/fashion/02love.html?pagewanted=2&em

[K4D]

Stuck,

That is an excellent article. I wish I would have been that smart when starting out this whole process. I highly recommend that article.

I'm glad you posted it for people.

Kevin

[givingitmyall]

That is a great article - I saw that one earlier in the week.

[theroadback]

That is a great article! Thank you for posting the link.

Same here makes me wonder what would have happened if I handled my sitch like that from day one.

I think that type of responce has to be from the very first time or the effect is lost.

I think it should be a sticky or have its own thread.

[MrBond]

Update:

Let's see...since the trip, W is interacting much more now and is a HELL of alot friendlier. She is initiating conversations which is a big change from even 2 weeks ago and has asked if I wanted help on things.

I've been flirting with her a bit and tried to exude as much confidence as I can as if she was someone new whom I wanted to date. I learned a few things from a great website:

projecthappilyeverafter.com

and have been applying a few things the author did to save her M. For example, rather than just asking my W "how was your day" which would just get a "fine" or other one word answer, I would be more specific like "what was something interesting you did at work"? Stuff like that.

She's really become open to that.

While there is still no intimacy, that's my next step. I'm establishing the trust first and have been lightly non-sexually touching her. When I first did that, she would jerk back or run away, but lately I notice she doesn't do that anymore.

I had also been applying some NLP techniques like when there is a point where she's laughing or enjoying herself, I lightly touch her to re-enforce that feeling. Stuff like that.

I've also read "Light Her Fire" which helped alot and yes "gucci" I found that passage you pointed out and have applied that as well. It was about not being too available or being the "needy" one.

In fact, the writer from "projecthappilyeverafter.com" clarified it even more for me. She said it's more a matter that a woman has to "feel" that her man can take care of himself. That was good coming from a woman's POV.

I've also kept up my GAL in going to the gym, doing my own thing, etc. Funny thing about detachment is that it has made me love my W more, but if I came home and found it empty, I would be equally happy. I have become my own man.

Like others, I went through the periods of doubt about losing my attraction for her, etc. But then I would shake that off by giving her a hug for no reason or pray and that keeps me going.

I'd be interested to see if anyone has any other suggestions.

[K4D]

"what was something interesting you did at work"?

Thats a great way to ask a question that isn't the same ol same ol.

I was going to ask you what you have been doing to GAL. I guess you answered that though.

Sounds good.

Kevin

[antlers]

stuck...man, you sound like your in a good place right now, especially mentally. Continued good luck to you; you've been working hard on yourself...and it shows. You also are to be commended for posting on other peoples threads, and sharing with them, and giving them the advice that you do. Way to go!

[givingitmyall]

Stuck,

Sounds like things are going well for you. I will have to check out the web site you mentioned.

Just started "No More Mr. Nice Guy" last night, and ordered "Light Her Fire" which should be here any day now.

I am a little behind you. Feel like I've detached (finally) but I can't say my feelings for W are growing. I will fight that too and don't think I'm anywhere near giving up.

I like the idea of subtly re-introducing a touch or quick hug. Just not sure how that will be received. Things are warmer now, but still a little business like with humor added in.

[MrBond]

Actually for everyone who wants to check out the projecthappilyeverafter site, it's written by a woman who was an almost WAW.

It wasn't until SHE made the decision to change things that her M got better. Her H is just lucky he didn't end up like the rest of us here.

She's great in terms of writing about what made her want to change and stuff. It works great hand in hand with DB.

I think many of us on the board continue to stay "stuck" in a holding pattern because we rely too much on our WAS's reaction. Well you know what? Screw that. Do what you can and want to do. See what works. If something doesn't work, do something different.

I still keep a journal to track my progress and with each new thing I do, I give it a couple of weeks to see how it goes. If acting distant doesn't work, I'll start getting closer. As long as it doesn't cross any of my boundaries.

[MrBond]

Oh and there's also a site called survivinginfidelity.com that had a great forum with WASs who were in affairs that helped alot too.

All those sites were great in helping me develop my DB plan.