BUNS, ABS, AND HEART OF STEEL #3

[cagzmom]

That is so sad.

I am really glad that you are being kept in the loop. X's father had hip surgery recently, there were complications and he wasn't well... I did NOT find out from my x. AND it is a STRANGE feeling being on the OUTSIDE of what was my life...

You are amazing T.

Hugs --

[cagzmom]

where are you?

[TRUSTING]

Update on my sitch.

Funeral for my ex mother in law is Sunday. Father in law in bad shape emotionally and physically, but will survive.

Ex called me today wanting to talk about the whole thing, very tragic. He was more like the old ex, but somewhat manipulative regarding lowering child support due to one of my children turning 18 again. I just told him I would not discuss this issue with him anymore. He was understandably upset and devastated about the loss of his step-mom. He had to view the body today and decide if it should be open or closed casket. Lots of tears and choking up. I guess he forgot he cussed me out majorly last week and told me he hated me.

[forward]

T, What a terrible situation. Sending you good energy.

[job]

Trusting,
I am very sorry the loss of your xmil. It has to be a shock to everyone that this happened so quickly and unexpectedly. I'm sure your xfil is at a loss right now.

As for your xh, this is not the time or place to be discussing child support and you did the right thing by advising him that you will not discuss it.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this time.

[cagzmom]

The rollercoaster of all of this!

Dont you think T when they call and are crying etc. that there is some level of sincerity? BUT THEN the underlying motive is truly manipulation??!! I mean really HE HAS THE BALLS to bring up the child support issue when talking about the death??!!

My x did something similar. It wasn't his stepparent but someone close to him had died. he was TRULY sad. AND the same time he the child support enforcement started their thing... He cried when he told me about the death -- and in the same breath brought that up. TWISTED really.

I am sorry about teh funeral. I hate ALL of this for you!! The fact that we NEED any child support and that it is the RIGHT thing. IT IS JUST frustrating!!

DIVORCE SUCKS! I don't care who you are - what your situation. It sucks (oops i guess i vented on your board a little bit!)

[TRUSTING]

Thank you all for your posts.

I need help. Do I or do I not go to the funeral?

OW and her family will be there.

My youngest (4) will not be going.
My 15 and 18 will be going of course, but they are ok with me not making an appearance and understand completely. In fact, they want to avoid all the uncomfortableness with OW there.

But........

[forward]

I think one question I would have is how you feel. Do you need the funeral yourself, for closure? If so, go and ignore OW.

If you think you would regret not going, some years down the line, then go.

[graceallday]

i agree with forward -- it depends on your situation.....i guess my thoughts are act like OW doesnt exsist when making your decision, and you are divorced from your H -- would you go then....I say dont let her be the determining factor...we always hear -- this whole thing isnt really about them...i dont know just a thought....

I know this doesnt matter in your decision, mostly just curious, is this step Mom --- was she an OW herself with your H Dad?

[Holly06]

Trusting,
I too face that problem in the future. Here is the plan I came up with.
You can contact the funeral home and request an after hours final good bye. I hear it is done all the time.
That way it is about you.

And you get to avoid any uncomfortable situation.

I will be honest,I am not sure if I will do this or not. But I thought I would throw it out there as an option.
It is done ALL the time.