Aren't you renting? If so get the landlord to take care of the puddle and the ac. If not, sorry, I just had that in my mind. Of course when you look at everything you get overwhelmed. Break it down. It is the only sane way to do it. I know you don't want to ask for help but you need to.
Enlist Gabe in the fatherly duties and do some of this stuff with Marc so that you can do your job and not make costly mistakes. It may not be what you want but it is what you need to do for your own peace of mind. Think positively and things will start to turn around.
hugs, kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I am renting. Called both landlords and one is coming this afternoon. The puddle is ground water but they're not sure why it is dark and smells so awful. They already checked the sewer lines and they are fine. Possibly a rotting tree root from a massive tree that went down in the front yard during a storm about 4 years ago. Just the stump there now but the roots are probably rotting now. They have to get all sorts of permits from the city to dig a trench in the side yard and put in french drains so that could be months of red tape. In the meantime I mop the garage every day and think I'll die from the toxic stench!
Enlist Gabe? Yeah right. I asked him if he would come to freshman orientation last night and he said he didn't want to. Whatever. I can't make him be involved. Anything over and above taking Marc to karate one night a week is apparently too much to ask.
He left, he didn't want to be a husband any longer, he didn't want to be a full-time father anymore, he plays the role of favorite uncle with his son. Now Marc doesn't even want to go to his place on his weekends. It's just more than I am equipped to handle anymore.
Compartmentalizing isn't working for me anymore. One thing just runs over into the next. I hate feeling like this. It's so danged pathetic and useless.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
You are right it is. Don't ask Gabe to do something, tell him that you need him to do this because of x, y,z. This is his son and we have already discussed his lack of responsibility and CS. You hold the cards on this one...help out as necessary with his son or he can go sit in a jail cell. It is as simple as that. No emotion involved there. He isn't hopping because he hasn't had to deal with any consequences.
I know you don't want to but you need some help here and this is how you can get it.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I know, I know, I know! That's the darned problem though isn't it? My head knows the answer but my heart won't let me ask and I'm not a demanding person so 'telling' him what he's going to do for Marc (and subsequently for me) is just not something I can bring myself to do.
It's me that is the problem and I know that. I just can't get around it. By the time I work my way into being able to do that Marc will be 18 and none of it will matter anyway.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Please, get to the peer counselor. There is nothing that they haven't heard, and every one of us have thoughts that we shudder to have hit the light of day.
If you didn't have Marc and your mom, you could run away. But you do - and thank God for them everyday. Then, do what He needs you to do. Take care of you so you can make sure that you can do what needs to be done for your son.
You don't have strength to do it. I've read that not many of us do. But you can with God's help. He sent those pastors to get involved in your life. Now, you have to meet Him half-way.
I think that Michelle might be right about Gabe. Take your emotions out of the equation and get the authorities involved. Does his family know that he is a dead-beat? Can you contact his parents and tell them that Marc needs things to be provided by his father?
Read the tag line under my signature, hon. Get in touch with me in the alt univ for a number if you want to talk...
His parents are both out of work so they would be no help. Plus, they really haven't ever been involved in Marc's life other than a passing aquaintance. His family doesn't care what he's doing since they aren't close at all. It's really a shame.
As far as getting the authorities involved, I'm almost there. I sent him a text today and just said "Employed yet?" No response. Gee...there's a surprise.
I know you're right about the counseling. I will call them this afternoon as soon as I can. I'm completely swamped at work and with my snafu's the last couple of weeks I don't need to be messing up.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Haha. I have one on my e-mail that says "the grass is always greener when you water it." Now if only we could convince those WASs of that!
CALL THE PEER COUNSELOR NOW!
And I agree that you need to tell Gabe what he needs to do. I know it's hard for you, but just send him a text saying, "since you aren't paying CS, Marc needs X instead."
If that doesn't work, maybe you do need to get the authorities involved.
((((((mishka))))))
Hang in there sweetie.
And call that peer counselor! Don't let other stuff take priority!
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
I called the couselor. I have an appointment at 2pm on Tuesday. I haven't seen a therapist since March 2008 and I'm a nervous wreck about it. I'm probably only going to be able to go a couple of times at most because of the cost, but maybe I can at least get a direction that could help. I'm filling out the paperwork right now.
Got home to both landlords here working on the air conditioner. It's fixed...YEA! My mom was having a hard time breathing because of the heat. Even with the ceiling fans on high she was having trouble. The leak in the garage floor has them stumped. It's going to take a while. In the meantime we're just going to have to live with the stench.
*sigh*....Gabe is a complete waste of time and brain space. Never got a response to my 'pithy' employed yet text. Gee, what a surprise. His last opportunity is the 1SEP. That will be month 6 with no CS and that is all I'm waiting without getting the authorities involved. I'm sick of his crap.
There is a feeding frenzy going on here at every store in town - a school supply frenzy! I actually found myself spending my lunch hour today debating the merits of different 5 subject composition books. Ummm....hello....?????
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
