I am so sorry for what you are going through, your pain is palpable through your words.
From all that you post here and on the threads of others, I do not think you are jaded at all. I do not think anyone could muster a positive outlook in the days leading up to his son's departure.
I understand what you are saying about your concern that your heart cannot take anymore pain...you have been given a lot to deal with, to be sure. That said, from everything you have posted here and to others, I know you will make it through somehow. I suspect your immense love for your boys will provide the strength.
For now, just know you have people here in the DB world who are thinking of you and willing to support you in any way you'd like.
