Hi, I'm new here and appreciate everyone that shares their stories. It really helps to know that I'm not alone in this. I am recently separated (about 1 month) and there is an OW involved. My h and I met as teens and married 8 years later right after I graduated college. We had a long distance relationship for the most part until we wed. We've been married 13 years as of July (all I got this year on our anniversary was a phone call to see how I did that day) and have two beautiful children 5 and 2. I have been reading DR and am trying the "last resort". I was getting mixed signals and some kindness from him, but that has recently stopped. He is now angry around me and annoyed and I'm not sure what to do since, I am trying my best to be kind and happy. I assume the OW is growing tired of him seeing the girls and me. He takes care of them 3 x per week during the day while I'm at work and one night a week while I'm in school. Well I graduate next week and he'll be back at work the following week, so I guess I just have to wait and see. Thanks for reading. If you have any tips on what to do when H is in serious R with OW while I'm trying to do the 180, that would be great. If not, thanks for reading and take care.
M 35 H 37 Ds, 2 & 5 Married 13 years PA since March, bomb 6/16/09 sep. 6/23/09
HIW M 35 H 37 D 5, D 2 Married 1996 Dating 1992 Met 1988 EA/PA started March 2009 Bomb 6/16/2009 Separated 6/23/2009
Just hang in there. There are better days and worse days, and its hard to tell how it will all go. Just make sure you do some GALing and hang in there. It will get better and get worse all at the same time, but if you work on yourself, you'll come out a better person in the end.
Me: 35 W: 31 D10, S7, S2, S11 months M: 11 years Tricked into separation. In Last Resort.
My story: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1800530#Post180053
Thanks lonelywolf. Trying to do just that. I guess I need to really concentrate on improving me for me and stop caring so much about him and his choices. So hard! Thanks again and I wish you well!!
HIW M 35 H 37 D 5, D 2 Married 1996 Dating 1992 Met 1988 EA/PA started March 2009 Bomb 6/16/2009 Separated 6/23/2009
Hi everyone. Just wanted to post an update for journaling purposes I guess. After H was being mean and distant I tried to just be lovingly detached. Now he is back to being pretty kind again and has even called a couple of times (using excuses about kids or whatnot). It is so hard knowing that this road is going to be long and difficult. My H is so enchanted by the OW that I am so scared that he will do whatever she says. I guess I should state that OW was married (no kids) and ten years younger than H. My understanding is that she left her H to be with my H. What is it with people that they think this is ok. My kids are doing ok, but miss their dad. I just want this to get better. The pain is soo great. A lot of other posts talk about the H saying that the marriage was a mistake, the thing is my H doesn't . He says he did love me and we were madly in love but that our love has died like a drowning child and can't be resuscitated. I am trying my best to GAL but he was my L!!! Feel so lonely and helpless. I am such a control freak and this is so hard (yes, I'm working on that!!). I know part of our issues deal with me making more money and being more together and successful. At any rate, just ranting I guess. Have a good weekend!
M 35 H 37 Ds, 2 & 5 Married 13 years EA/PA since March, bomb 6/16/09 sep. 6/23/09
HIW M 35 H 37 D 5, D 2 Married 1996 Dating 1992 Met 1988 EA/PA started March 2009 Bomb 6/16/2009 Separated 6/23/2009
Yes this is a strange,unknowing painful place we are in but I am told it will get better.(still waiting myself).thank God for the good people here for us to lean on and learn from. NEVER give up hope at times this is all we have.Strap yourself in it is a long hard ride. Good Luck. God Bless.
H 49 W 42 S 19 S 14 S 12 S 8 D 6 M 19 Bomb dropped 2/09 Separated 5/09 still hopeful, praying
harpo has it right. There can be light at the end of the tunnel, though it may not be the light we expect. We're all hanging in there. But like DR says, no matter what happens, we will find happiness again.
Me: 35 W: 31 D10, S7, S2, S11 months M: 11 years Tricked into separation. In Last Resort.
My story: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1800530#Post180053
All you can do is focus on yourself; embrace your new reality; accept it and move forward. If Walkaway catches up, that's great; if not, you're ahead of the power curve. And this is the tough time, early in the process, when the roller coaster is really up and down. It was brutal for me. For me one essential aspect of coping was clearly identifying for myself what I was -- and, more importantly, WAS NOT -- prepared to tolerate from Walkaway and spelling that out in no uncertain terms. The key to unlocking this door is you.
Another very important bit of advice I read from some old-timer: when Walkaway says something cruel, don't jump off a bridge; and when Walkaway says something nice, don't jump to Cloud 9. For example:
Quote:
He says he did love me and we were madly in love but that our love has died like a drowning child and can't be resuscitated.
*Yawn. Pure script. I'm pretty sure everyone's Walkaway around here has pronounced some variation on this theme. Yes, it hurts like h*ll to hear it. But as you'll find, there's apparently some kind of central office were Walkaways report to pick up their Script. So WAH gave you a nice bit of dramatic rhetoric there -- typical (it shows how "serious" Walkaway is) -- but you can put it exactly where it deserves to be. Which is in the dung heap.
"There's some kind of central office where WAW's report to pick up their script" I love it, I love it, I love it!!
It still amazes me how they all say the same thing. My enlightenment came once I discovered this. Up until then I was buying everything he said. Looking back now, I see how sick he really is.
@mlj -- I was having a conversation with a diplomat from Poland a couple months ago who was a divorce attorney in Krakov before he joined the Polish foreign service. Walkaways in Poland say the same things they do here! He couldn't stop laughing at the look on my face when he said the most common thing he hears from his clients is, "I love him/her, I'm just not in love with her/him anymore." The Fog is universal.
But as you'll find, there's apparently some kind of central office were Walkaways report to pick up their Script.
OMG That is the best line ever....Made me LOL thinking of the spew we have all heard...I posted some things I just found out that were said a few months ago and I found myself believing it all over again...Hit me now
Sorry you are here Hope but welcome
(didn't mean to highjack your thread)
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
