Here is some very very specific advice: STOPSTOPSTOPSTOPSTOPSTOP....FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING HOLY ON EARTH STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
No more R talks. NONE. If you bring up the word divorce I'm going to hop a plane and beat you with something....figure it out when I get there.
You will NEVER argue her back into this marriage. You can only cause more and more damage. Yes, you are going to fight. But now is NOT the time.
You push her, every time she's going to say I want a D. The more she says it out loud, the more real it becomes. So STOP. You think you can threaten her and guilt her back? No way, she's going to get away from the source of guilt and that's you.
Dude...please please listen to me. This is NOT over. But you are going to make it so if you keep up with this. I know you are more pissed and hurt than you've ever been before. But you have to sit on that for a bit here. You have to work on getting the angry out and replacing it with something warm and fuzzy. YOU will benefit the most from doing that. You can't wake up every day and fight with someone. It's too much. You're going to give youself medical issues.
Whatever your wife is going through right now, you need to be compassionate.
Read this....another DBer who is saving his marriage sent it to me.
The next time she brings up the money ask her "What can WE do to make you feel more ownership of this? What can WE do so you understand that you've earned this money just as much as I have?" And when that conversation is going well, say to her "I want you to understand I complained about the $4,000 credit card bill because it surprised me. Not because you don't deserve it...but more because I'm nervous with the economy like it is, it just unnerves me a bit. Not being able to provide for you all would kill me more than anything. It's not that you don't deserve great things. I just wanted you to understand where I was coming from."
If you don't walk away from the fireworks, this is just going to be that much harder. Let her have her temper tantrums like you did when the kids were little. That's basically what she's doing. She's going to pick fights with you to make it easier to walk away....so she can tell everyone, all you do is fight.
And here's some good news....the opposite of love is not hate, it's apathy. If she gets to be apathetic, that's when you REALLY need to worry.
But stop the fights. Replace it with something more normal, as close as you can get it right now.
