hank you to all of you that commented with your thoughts. Wife finally came to me and admitted affair. She's still tried to act like it was casual dating, but I knew better and she admitted almost everything including the fact that she's spending yet another weekend (this one with him). It's out in the open now and her sisters and mom know so no more "forbidden love," clandestine affair. Also daughters 6, 9 broken up and sad again this weekend that mommy's not here with us but "with her friends," they of course don't really know that means another man! Wife is sad and feels guilt I can tell since she's talked to them 3 times last night and 2 times this morning. I'm telling her "I'm good." Giving her space to sit with consequences of her actions. Other man is only a several months into his separation and lives across the country. Wife says she probably won't see him now for a while, but still intends to pursue this with him. I'm giving her space and being lovingly detached. Doing my own healthy things with the daughters and keeping up the house as in "NO WE'RE NOT FALLING APART." We/I don't approve and told her no contact with this guy and our daughters. This guy is not nice. Doing a married woman before she even told me she wanted a divorce at her high school reunion! I'm Divorce Busting and Affairus Interuptus by staying out of it letting her deal with the guilt and consequences. I expect this will take months but I love my wife and even though she doesn't think we ever had true love, just sex and issues - I know and our marriage therapist knows from even 5 years ago staying together all these years was love. Now if wife and other man start to collapse over next months and I'm the strong confident smart good husband I know I can be and am...then there's a chance. As I said to wife - it would be a shame at the point when you're really ready to open up your true feelings to someone and I'm really ready to correct my dysfunction that we would miss each other. No response from her. She's in defense posture of her position. Saying even if it doesn't work out with other man she'd rather be alone - I think that's the defense BS talking. This is hard, but I'm going to do it. I'm not giving up on this woman that I truly love.
