A Little Epiphany - (and a newbie delurking)

[Dia]

'Morning, all,

Interactions with H continue to show approach-avoidance on his part - normal for the sitch, of course. When he and kidlet came home from watching movies, he sat on the couch with me talking and laughing for a good 45 mins - and he initiated it. There was a slightly tense convo this morning over the insurance issue which I handled with a casual, coffee-sipping, "Oh, whatever you choose will be fine. Thank you for including me on the plan."

That's a 180 on my part. Before, I would have been the one to analyze the health plans, compare scenarios and point out things like putting the two of us on one plan and kidlet on a separate one actually *increases* the total deductible we'd be responsible for by 50%. Under the current arrangement, that's not my problem; it's his. DB Coach said that sometimes people (H in particular) just need to learn stuff the hard way... so let 'em. If H's choices get him into a sitch where he has to shell out an extra $1500, well - he just might learn something from it.

I also got another H-initiated hug today. He pulled kidlet, me and his sis all into a big group hug, but he was looking straight at me when he initiated it and I was snugged right up next to him. That's two so far and I haven't asked for any.

Here's something I'd like confirmed from you male-types. Last night H remarked on my dress and my lip gloss. The words were not direct compliments (Hi there, blue-dress woman. Oooh, you have shiny girly lip-stuff on!) but from him, those are compliments. Then this morning while I was still in my blinking and rumpled state, he gazed at me for awhile and complimented my skin. Gents... these are really good things, right? They're pre-flirtation stuff that mean he's actually *looking*, as in, with interest?

I've accepted the compliments well and thrown a few his way though much less intense and overt than last visit. I still miss and want him terribly, but I feel much less needy about the whole thing. I think the DB session really helped. It also helps that I have an apartment pretty much lined up back home if I need it, so I feel some security about my living situation. I may still end up up here, but I have a fallback position in place. That helps.

Here's a chuckler for you, and yes, you can say I told you so...

I'm pursuing much less this visit yet things are much better. I feel stronger and more confident both in general and because not pursuing lessens my chances for rejection. He's initiating more and that makes *me* feel good and there's less tension on the situation overall.

Ok, consider me a convert.

Yes, there are still avoidant behaviors on his part, such as scurrying to a separate bedroom at night, avoiding purposeful touch and excluding me from the movie session, but at least for this weekend the positive signs are outweighing the negative. I'm not sure if it's the sitch that's changed or just my perception of it - probably both.

I have another interview today so I'll be out for much of the day.

Chin up and hang in there, everyone.