A Little Epiphany - (and a newbie delurking)

[Dia]

Oh, and funny convo with H, who called me to check on my ETA for this evening.

Dia (out of breath): Hello?

H: Hi, this is H. Am I interrupting an interview?

Dia: Yes, just a minute. (then, as if to interview panel) I'm sorry gentlemen. I need to pause this interview. The person on the phone right now is FAR more important than your piddly CEO job.

H: (major laughs!)

Dia: No, this is fine. I'm hauling boxes.

(short, upbeat conversation ensues)

[mac-ct]

Dia,

You could get a fabulous job as a scriptwriter

Good one.

Catch u later.

Mac

[Kettricken]

Oh, and funny convo with H, who called me to check on my ETA for this evening.

Dia (out of breath): Hello?

H: Hi, this is H. Am I interrupting an interview?

Dia: Yes, just a minute. (then, as if to interview panel) I'm sorry gentlemen. I need to pause this interview. The person on the phone right now is FAR more important than your piddly CEO job.

H: (major laughs!)

Dia: No, this is fine. I'm hauling boxes.

(short, upbeat conversation ensues)

Huge, huge thumbs way up. I think if there is any magic bullet for relationships, it's shared laughter and being able to use playfulness and lightheartedness to your (mutual) benefit. Really good job.

[bluerain]

Dia, I have an extra room, sorry, its a little out of your way though! I hope that your drive went well!

Stay cool with the family, water off a ducks back! It sounds like H might even be looking forward to the visit, as good humored as he was during the phone call! I hope all goes well, enjoy loving on that baby!

[Dia]

Well, the drive was long. Didn't get here til just after 11 and everyone is asleep. That's ok, H can see my pretty new dress tomorrow and then he can think about it all day at work.

When I got here, there were lights left on for me, and there was a note from H on my pillow that reads:
--------------
D,

There's talk of going to Sambo's for breakfast tomorrow at 7:30. You're invited. You can come along or stay here to worship Goddess Andra.

-H.
---------------

Cool. Breakfast!

Andra is our little 8 lb all black kitty who has a good 50 lbs of Siamese diva'tude on her. The name is short for Andromeda. The other kitty is Percival, Percy for short. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer, Percy. His nickname is Percimus, or Mr. Big-and-White-and-Not-Too-Bright.

Edit: My pillow, however, is on the couch - but I knew that coming in so no big deal.E

[givingitmyall]

Hang in there Dia. Sounds like you are doing great. Slow and steady.

[Dia]

Breakfast was great, lots of talking and laughing. Again, if you didn't know, you nwouldn't be able to tell there was anything wrong between us. No touching except the accidental touch of knees and fingertips, no hug, no kiss before he left the table for work - but the rest of the interactions seemed perfectly light, warm and comfortable.

It's so confusing!!

SIL seems fine and interested in maintaining a relationship with me. She introduced me to the baby as 'Auntie Dia' with zero hesitation and that made me happy. Baby is darling and likes the toy I brought her. I also got socks and a little outfit which made SIL happy as she had forgotten to pack baby socks.

The baby is darling, with big brown eyes and a head of blonde curls. She has the cutest laugh. She's about 16 mos old, so she walks and climbs all over but doesn't have that many words yet.

[givingitmyall]

Again, if you didn't know, you nwouldn't be able to tell there was anything wrong between us.

Yep. Me too.

We are both just going to have to see where all this goes.

And, yes, it is confusing. But, let's let THEM be confused, not US. It's only confusing if WE try to interpret what THEY are thinking/doing.

[Dia]

Spent the day with SIL and baby niece. Had some really good talks with SIL, even got some insight on the MIL issue.

Job interview went well, thought the position is only a PT contract thing.

Got home, changed from interview clothes to pretty new dress, freshened hair and makeup, brushed teeth, new spritz of scent and was out on the deck looking at the ocean when H came home. On the down side, he informed me that he and kidlet were going to a friend's house to watch movies and I would be on my own tonight. He said they were leaving right away, but instead of actually leaving he drew out the convo for a good 10 minutes until kidlet came out and reminded him that they were supposed to be there already. (Hey kidlet, whose side are you on?!? LOL) He remarked on the dress and the lipgloss, so he was looking enough to notice.

I told them to have a good time and I'd be fine on my own. He gave me a good, warm hug that I really enjoyed.

[Dia]

'Morning, all,

Interactions with H continue to show approach-avoidance on his part - normal for the sitch, of course. When he and kidlet came home from watching movies, he sat on the couch with me talking and laughing for a good 45 mins - and he initiated it. There was a slightly tense convo this morning over the insurance issue which I handled with a casual, coffee-sipping, "Oh, whatever you choose will be fine. Thank you for including me on the plan."

That's a 180 on my part. Before, I would have been the one to analyze the health plans, compare scenarios and point out things like putting the two of us on one plan and kidlet on a separate one actually *increases* the total deductible we'd be responsible for by 50%. Under the current arrangement, that's not my problem; it's his. DB Coach said that sometimes people (H in particular) just need to learn stuff the hard way... so let 'em. If H's choices get him into a sitch where he has to shell out an extra $1500, well - he just might learn something from it.

I also got another H-initiated hug today. He pulled kidlet, me and his sis all into a big group hug, but he was looking straight at me when he initiated it and I was snugged right up next to him. That's two so far and I haven't asked for any.

Here's something I'd like confirmed from you male-types. Last night H remarked on my dress and my lip gloss. The words were not direct compliments (Hi there, blue-dress woman. Oooh, you have shiny girly lip-stuff on!) but from him, those are compliments. Then this morning while I was still in my blinking and rumpled state, he gazed at me for awhile and complimented my skin. Gents... these are really good things, right? They're pre-flirtation stuff that mean he's actually *looking*, as in, with interest?

I've accepted the compliments well and thrown a few his way though much less intense and overt than last visit. I still miss and want him terribly, but I feel much less needy about the whole thing. I think the DB session really helped. It also helps that I have an apartment pretty much lined up back home if I need it, so I feel some security about my living situation. I may still end up up here, but I have a fallback position in place. That helps.

Here's a chuckler for you, and yes, you can say I told you so...

I'm pursuing much less this visit yet things are much better. I feel stronger and more confident both in general and because not pursuing lessens my chances for rejection. He's initiating more and that makes *me* feel good and there's less tension on the situation overall.

Ok, consider me a convert.

Yes, there are still avoidant behaviors on his part, such as scurrying to a separate bedroom at night, avoiding purposeful touch and excluding me from the movie session, but at least for this weekend the positive signs are outweighing the negative. I'm not sure if it's the sitch that's changed or just my perception of it - probably both.

I have another interview today so I'll be out for much of the day.

Chin up and hang in there, everyone.