It's up to you if you want to respond, but something cordial would be in order if you do. Not snippy or cold, just cordial.
Here's something to keep in mind and its taken me a long time to figure it out and it's amazing....someone can tell me something but it might not click....but if it's said to me the right way, I get it.
Last night my therapist (love her) called me at home. She said she had been thinking about somethings we had discussed and then she gave me a gem. One of my H's issues right now is he's trying to figure out who's been lying to him. Sort of laughable after all the lies he's told, but ok. He's questioning me vs. OW, which infuriates me, but again, ok.
Therapist said to me:
"ADB, you are a lion. (I'm a hothead for sure!) You roar like a lion. You can roar the truth as loud as you want, but if you're roaring at someone sick of being yelled at.....well, you probably won't be heard. But then you have this snake, that's beautifully colored.(OW) It slithers ups and starts whispering lies through her split tongue and smiles while she does it....who do you think he's going to want to listen to? You need to be the lion you truly are, but you need to learn to use an inside voice....stomp that snake out."
Love that woman and her imagery.
But there's another way to look at this too....you have to stop yelling at him and getting into it with him because OW isn't doing that....so guess who he wants to talk to? The person who giggles with him and thinks he's just so great.....Now, I'm not saying praise him from your knees, laugh hysterically at his lame jokes, but relax the mood for sure.
Try this mindset...You are going to win this. One way or another, you have been the better woman, the stronger woman, the woman with her morals about her. And if you know you're going to win, why panic? Just calm down, no more fights. Set your boundaries and stick to them.
If he starts with this "I don't know....I don't know what I want to do, I don't know if I want to cut it off with her."
All you have to say is: "I understand and I don't understand. But that doesn't matter. I don't think you are able to really explain it just yet, so I'm not going to ask. But let me be clear: I do know. I know that I want our marriage to work. I know that I care about you and this family. I also know I care about me and you maby be soon crossing a line that you cannot cross back over. I'll be one side, you'll be on the other. Make sure you are POSITIVE you like how things look on that other side without me if you cross it......Don't worry honey. You'll make the right choice for you....I wish I could help you, but I can't. You'll figure it out. You just have to be sure, because I am."
I think it's got enough vague to it that he'll probably ask "What are you saying?" You're answer only needs to be "Just like you can't explain why you're so confused, I can't explain my statement any better than I just said it." And leave it alone. Change the subject.
And from now on, be THE woman every man says "Damn, I want me some of that!"
You do have more control over this than you think.
