Playhouse

[kat727]

Because your H cheated on you, you are a tad bit jaded and you must have felt a bit of a spark. Take it slow and see where this takes you.

kat

[Sara]

Why does it scare you? Probably because you haven't felt those dating feelings for about 25 years. And you are a lot more knowledgeable about all that can go wrong when you let a man get emotionally close to you. But I'm happy to hear about this. This is good news!

[lovelyolive]

Why does this scare the hell out of me?

Hmmmmm... sounds veeeeerrry interesting. Maybe it's just scary because it's a new and unfamiliar experience right now.. YOU GO GIRL!

[Yoyowife]

Hi Friends,
Yes, it is frightening because of all of the reasons you mentioned. Never thought I would have to enter the dating world at the age of 46. Yes, it has been over 25 years since I even thought of another man.

This past week has been interesting to say the least. I not only met the accountant, but I also met a 31 year old at a singles dance last weekend. The waitress said the gentleman in the red shirt would like to buy you a drink. He later asked me to dance and found out he was only 31! My age didn't seem to bother him as much as it did me! LOL Matter of fact he even asked me out. I politely declined.

The other man, the accountant is 52. He is the one I met for drinks. As my girls would say, he has been blowing my phone up with texts and phone calls. He makes me nervous. He is very touchy-feely. Not in a particularly bad way, but I'm not ready to be that close to another man. I told him I thought he was nice, but we would have to take it very slow. Odd, I thought I was ready for a relationship, but I'm not so sure. I certainly won't jump into anything.

Life used to be far less complicated before the "H" was abucted by the aliens!

[kat727]

I kept going through phases where I thought I was ready to date. I am probably there more so now. The divorce was a year ago. But I think you also have to know what you are ready for. Are you looking for someone fun to do things with or are you looking to find someone new for a serious relationship?

As my wise friend Karen told me, I don't think you are ready for the serious relationship yet. I imagine you aren't really either. I think it is time for just a fun R and not worrying about the long term yet. It is all going to come in good time. The future will get here when it will and not one moment sooner.

hugs, kat

[NoCodeBlues]

What keeps coming to my mind is what we learned in DivorceCare, that it takes, on average, 3 to 4 months for every year of marriage to get fully healed from that relationship ending.

For me that means I have about four years of healing that I have to go through before I am truly fit to begin another serious relationship. When I related this to my IC, he said that sounds about right but he sensed that in my case it might not take quite that long and that I might be able to spring back sooner. He said it is just an average estimate after all, right?

However, I am beginning to think the statistic is right. Even if I push the starting date of my own healing to the Bomb-Day two years ago, I get the feeling that maybe it just might take another year or two to mend my shattered heart.

I have been conversing with a young divorced mother of two small children. She is 35, eleven years younger than I, but she seems undaunted by that. She's very cute, very attractive, and very spiritual. We have a lot in common, so much so it seems uncanny. And she seems genuinely interested. But I just don't think I'm ready yet, it's too soon -- and not just because of the age difference. I'm still dealing with the aftermath of the hurricane destructive forces of my D, and still in dire straits regarding custody of my S's and the expense of my legal defense. I've still got so much turmoil to get through and so much of my life I need to get back in order before I can begin to give myself to someone in a one-on-one R. Oh, I want to, believe me, but it would just not be fair to her or anyone else at this time.

I just have to be patient, and to wait on the Lord.

Sorry for the hijack, Yoyo. Just rambling a bit here.

[Yoyowife]

Thanks for you insights friends.

NC you are not hijacking, "my thread, your thread" or something like that anyway, LOL. I believe we all can learn so much from each other, and not to mention that the moral support is so comforting!

NC, way to go on the younger woman, you still got it my friend!!!

Hugs to you all, Yoyo

[NoCodeBlues]

NC, way to go on the younger woman, you still got it my friend!!!

Thanks, Yoyo, but its still way too early. I mentioned this because it makes me realize that we really have to get through all this healing like they say. I just regret that I'm not further along, especially now that I'm finding there really are people out there that might be very compatible. I (trying to) refuse to burden someone else with my unnecessary "stuff" -- I need to get my own house back in order first.

[Yoyowife]

Hi Friends,
Still talking and texting with the "new man". He makes me smile and laugh. I haven't had that feeling in a while. I told my friend about him. I told her I just didn't know. She gave me some very good advice, "You don't have to marry him, just give him a chance and have fun." I am now not stressing about a relationship, just having fun with someone.

[Yoyowife]

I was rereading some of my earlier post on this thread and came across this paragraph in my post on 4/26/09. I was talking about the many reasons I would not want my H back and what I wanted in a man.

I want a man who I can talk to, someone who appreciates me, someone who wants to spend time with me, someone who only wants ONE woman in his life. I don't think that's too much to ask for. After all isn't that the way a relationship is supposed to be. I'm not sure H can give me that.

My new friend and I have been talking a lot on the phone getting to know each other. He texts me several times a day from work to see how my day is going. He calls me at night and we actually carry on great conversations. It is nice to be told that he finds me attractive and smart. A WAS sure does a number on your self-esteem so it's nice to hear positive things about yourself.