So I get a text tonight from W. Granted we have never cut communication. We were texting back and forth a little. But I get one all of a sudden saying "...-and thanks for being so nice the last couple of days". The only thing I really feel I have done different is to try and lovingly detach. Am I thinking into something or is my detaching having an affect? Feel free to chime in but I'm really just thinking outloud.
you are over thinking. they waver. rememeber the girls from college, highschool, your dating years? one day the like you the next they are distant. its how they keep you on the hook.
I am "shocked" you can even talking to her right now.
Steve, Well that is why I ask. I hadn't really known if that might be what it is or not. As far as talking, there is not a lot of choice with the child sitch we have. It's not just phone or text, I see her everyday, so I do my best to keep it civil. If I could go dark, I would. And I guess maybe I could cut back on the talking, but we are working our our own D filings and if I don't keep it civil, then we will end up with L's and then $h*t will hit the fan, and I don't see that being a good thing. Plus I feel that if L's get involved, not only will all our money disappear, she will want and probably get more than she is even asking for now.
Damn. I need to just figure out a way to be able to cut all contact. W can't see past anything involving OM anymore. Then gets defensive over everything and that just leads to fights and arguments.
So today was a bit odd for me. W and I finished filling out all of the paperwork that we can. During this process, she makes a comment, basically from how I recall it being said was something like "we are not doing anything with it for three more weeks and you never know what can happen in that time. It may never get filed"
Still leaves some rays of hope, but I don't want to get my hopes to high. She was very nice and pleasant though. The only thing is that she is not willing to hang around for any length of time that doesn't need be.
I don't think she was saying that to give you hope. I think she was saying that to convince herself that she wasn't doing anything decisive. Just one more little step toward the door. One more step, one more step,....the direction tells you where she is going. When will the moment of no going back be? Will it be filing? Will it be in the courtroom?
Don't hang on to every word or statement she makes...we have a tendency to do that. It's not in our best interests to do it, and it's not in their best interests either. It makes them feel uncomfortable to communicate because they're afraid that you'll hang on to every word or statement they make...then they clam up. Don't want that. She may say or feel something completely different 2 hours from the time she said that anyway! It's a rollar-coaster ride, man! Take care of YOU, first and foremost. Get stronger and let some time pass...lots of time. And work on patience...learn it, live it.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
I know, and thank you antlers and Sara. The only reason this one caught me is because W has not made it any secret at any time that she is divorcing. This was a different statement for her. But I need to think nothing of it. I thanked her for being able to feel that and left it at that.
So nothing new to report. Had another fight today after I found out that OM showed up at W's house with kids there. Another lie she has told me, she had said she would not have him around when kids are there. Big surprise there. Not. She started pushing to final the D again at that point. Same script, different day. FML Shock
So the WAW is still coming over daily to hang out with and watch the kids. Occassionally I am seeing something new gone, not a big deal because it is stuff she has a right to, but, it is still annoying to see a new empty spot somewhere when you're not expecting it. So I call her and jokingly ask her to talk to me before removing anything else from the home. She blows. I am now an A'hole again, won't let her have anything, even though I have 4 of whatever. I am calm, and joking about it, telling her, look, its not that you took it, it's that you took it without talking to me when you have taken everything that you intended to take already. Just venting.
