Hummm, I sent a post but it didn't go through, so I'll try one more time. I'm glad to hear about the party's success. I think your W is in her element when she's doing that. I also think that keeping the laughter going is more important, at this point in the stitch, than trying to find times to be alone and intimate. She obviouly doesn't want to be alone, so work at this through playing with the children (as you have been doing), watching funny movies as a family, playing with pets, playing games as a family, being with other upbeat people and environments. I believe that helped me in opening my heart little by little toward my H.
Having a PMA doesn’t mean to act like a person who has lot their marbles and is stupidly “happy” when their M and family is obviously falling apart, but to do like you’ve been doing Orich. You’ve played with your children, which always touches a W’s heart while maintaining a solid R with your kids. You try to keep the conversation away from touchy areas in the R at this time. You keep a PMA without acting like a “clown” IMHO and that is what the DR teaches. Just as being detached is about pulling back from her but not acting all cold and closed mouth to give the impression you are mad, but rather do it in a loving way and maintain your PMA while you distract. That may sound as contradictive to you as the other subjects of late has sounded to me (lol) but I hope not. I also hope that my best advice (such as it is) is from the POV of a WAW, while the majority of people are other LBS and they can help guide you from that angle. I know it “is” a fine balancing act. I is very difficult and that is why I said that “you” know what sounds what you can or can’t do. But at the same time Orich, remember that we are too close to our own personal stitch and others can see things about us and what we are doing right or wrong better than we can. I also remember what I use to be told and it would get me every time he said this, but it was true. You are the only one from your stitch that is here on the board. We only have your side of the story and you are the only one we can talk to. If she was here, then we could talk to her and here her side. So, that is one reason you get to feeling like you are bombarded with different opinions and feel that you can’t do anything right. I don’t see any MAJOR mistakes you have made, but neither do I want you to make any and that is why I comment on the little things like you buying an anniversary card or trying to make a dinner date, etc. Just don’t let us here on the board be the ones to get you flustered b/c you have enough to deal with. Take what you can and what seems right and you can do. What you can’t do, put on a back burner to ponder on it. You can consider what everyone says, but I doubt you can do every thing that is suggested since it varies so much. I hope you will take this weekend to regroup and maybe even take a couple days off from the board since you sound so frustrated. Heck, we could frustrate the Pope! (No disrespect intended.) Take care and have a good weekend, Orich!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
