I can relate to your sitch. Briefly I had an EA, stopped when my H found out. My H then tried all sorts to get us working together which without realizing it I was resistant to. Looking back I had a major MLC/empty nest syndrome depression type of thing. Once I was out of that I was ready to start again with my H (a new relationship, not going back to how it was before). It was too late my H had already checked out. He now has OW who was my best friend, not sure whether it started before he left or after (could me mad not knowing but have learnt to let that go). I too can see the irony in the sitch. You have insight though, you know it works when you back off.
Do not try to convince him with words, it won’t work. My H told me that he could see the sense in what I was staying but didn’t want to do the work, it was too late.
You sound like you’re doing OK with the detaching/going dark. He seems interested, remain cautious though, you need to take things slowly at this stage. You have the advantage of kids which keeps you talking, always look/smell good when you meet. Also perhaps you should be developing interests outside of the marriage or GAL as they say here. You live with your parents so hopefully they are able to mind the kids a bit. Doesn’t have to be much just a couple of things that will surprise your H, hopefully spark an interest and give you both something to talk about other than kids.
You can't control him or what he does with the OW. And you shouldn't worry about what you have no control over - easier written than done I know.
