I`ve heard that too, Cat, about all the problems being thrown at us being for our own learning. When H asked me last week "How are you?" (well, I knew he didn`t really ask out of concern for me but was perhaps, curious about how I was handling our strained circumstances). I answered very truthfully. I told him that yes, it was a very painful place but that in LOTS of ways I`d learnt so much from all of it, that I have a greater inner tranquillity than I ever had before and that so much good had come already from all the pain.
Doesn`t stop me wanting him to take the high road forever though!
Part of what I`ve been working on is listening to my inner voice. Like you Cat, I really do a lot of thinking in all of this. Trying not to come from the head place al the time though but being aware of a Higer Power in all of this. I`ve just started reading The Heart of the Soul by Gary- (google!)Love that its promising to get me tune into my own feelings-those deep seated feelings of rage/sadness /whatever we put the mask on.
Yeah, I`d LOVE if our H`s all read this book. I`m convinced that my H has more baggage than a Boeing 747. And somehow, dork here was(get this!) ATTRACTED to the baggage! (yech!)Oh and of course, I threw my own baggage in on top of his which just about(even though its a mere briefcase compared to his lot!LOL!) amounted to putting a match on a heap of gunpowder.
So now we`ve got the firework display!
Anyway, forget about our H`s looking into their hearts(H told me last week "You may be going through a life crisis but I`m not. My problem is YOU!"!) This journey really is about US! We`ve to work on our own baggage. We`ve to feel our own anger, pain, sadness.We`ve to learn that we are truly lovable. We`ve to love ourselves again.
TIF, I hear your sadness, girl. Its damn HARD to live with the most inconsiderate roommates in the world. I really believe that they are swiping out at us in any way they can-dirty dishes in the sink, leaving all the cildcare stuff, the worry about bills, to us.
But from their perspective, if we`re actually looking fab, having fun,relishing our journey, that just adds fuel to their fire and they really want to try and make us suffer more. So if H`s are acting up, that`s a sign, IMHO, that their noticing our progress.So bawl your eyes out on your own, don`t let him see he`s getting to you.
Cat, I wonder about the setting boundaries thing in your case. H `going berserk` as you said in my thread re you getting another animal. Sounds very controlling on his part. Why don`t you get it anyway and challenge that? You`ve got to pull him on going beserk at any rate. Remember my fingers in my ears trick? Don`t let him talk down to you. Heck, why don`t you tell him you`re getting four animals and then just settle for one! Lol!
At the end of the day, in all of this, if I can continue to improve myself AND if I achieve a more amicable separation, that in itself will be progress. I suspect its going to take more than one lifetime for my H to shed his baggage and I don`t know how long I`m willing to wait.
