Agh! He's detached completely!

[IWillSaveOurMarr]

Not only do I think it's highly inprobable that my H will change his mind about this D, but I also don't know if I could possibly forgive him for putting me through not only this hell right now, but also for threatening D when I was barely coming out of a severe depression. Who does that?

This is the type of person that would leave me if I were to get horribly mangled in a car accident or something. If so, than I'd sure rather know now than when I have kids with him and more years invested in the marriage. And in self protection, I couldn't possibly let myself stay married to someone like this, no matter how much I loved him, even if he started acting loving back to me at long last. Life happens, and I don't want to constantly be waiting for the other shoe to drop as far as something horrible happening and having to worry about him leaving me when I need him the most. Make sense?

I guess the reason I'm still here posting is that I'm an eternal optimist. I mean, we have our first hearing at the end of the month, and I asked the judge to have us go back to MC as well as a workshop that I know would be super helpful to my H given his wretched childhood, and I still kind of hope that the J says we have to do both of these things. I hope that during the Wrkshp, my H "comes to his senses" and breaks down crying and realizes that we can work through any obstacle in our path together becasue we still both love each other and both want to make it work! I mean, I want the few months of happiness we did have, early in this new marriage, back, and even better, because we know each other deeper and have more of a committment and know that we can work through whatever it is as long as we have each other, you know?

But realistically, I look at the fact that this is his 2nd marriage, my 1st, and he "pulled the plug" on ours so damn early, and that he frankly, doesn't see anything wrong with his anxiety, and instead blames me for it 100%, instead of dealing with his core issues which is a really bad childhood with a crazy, untreated mom. His trusted therapist supports him in this delusional thinking as do his few friends. It's so much easier to point the finger of blame anywhere but yourself. Trust me, I've done a ton in this rlsp that I regret and has contributed to problems, but he gave up, due to his issues with women accd to our MC and I fear that he's going to continue to run away from the truth forever because he's too scared to deal with it, and can rationalize it away.