Hello Kittyfish & Sandi2!

[BigJohn]

Well the W and kids just left for their trip. Before they left, I took my W aside in the bedroom and closed the door.

I told her first that it did not appear that we would be able to cover all of this month's bills and to severely limit expenses while on the trip. She was quiet for a moment before asking if we could try to refinance our car loan to get a lower payment. I said I didn't know if we could or not. We talked a little more about finances and I told her that the savings is gone- we'll have to start tapping 401K money pretty soon. I made the comment that we are paying a helluva price financially as well as in our marriage for this trip she and the kids are going on. I think for that moment my W started getting it- at least the financial part.

I was calm and collected when I told her that I didn't know exactly what to expect to happen with her on this trip. I told her that I am doing what I am doing because I recognize that she is going through a very serious personal crisis in her life right now. I said to her "Please do not burn your bridges with me on this trip." She responded "I won't" followed by "nothing is going to happen".

After loading up the car along with the kids, I said a prayer with my family. In my prayer, I asked God to watch over and protect my family while on their trip. As my W was getting ready to pull out of the driveway, she asked me to get something for her out of the garage. When I came out of the garage, my W came out of the car and gave me a big hug followed by a kiss on the cheek- I reciprocated. I don't know exactly what that (kiss and hug) means.

I'm sitting here writing out this post trying not to cry- hoping that my W does not burn her bridges with me. I am not wired like my W. Unlike my W, I very rarely vacillate- once I make a decision I do not go back on it. I hope my W remembers this about me through the haze in her brain.

I have 10 days alone- just me and my cat. I'm going to use the time to reflect and catch up on some projects. I am going to draw up a living trust for my kids along with an advanced medical directive. I am going to designate my mother and grandfather as my agents for both the trust and the directive. I am also going to reapportion all of my life insurance 100% to my kids instead of my W. Don't misunderstand- I have no plans on kicking the bucket anytime soon. In fact, I plan on living a long time! But this sitch has opened my eyes to some terrible possibilities for my W and especially my kids were I to die. They would surely be cleaned out financially by some parasite- if not that rotten bastard OM then some other OM. I just can't trust my W's judgment now- at least not for a very long time. So working on this and the other projects will hopefully help with my peace of mind. I think it will. Being prepared for anything always brings me peace of mind.

Thank you for the prayers and encouragement Sandi. And don't worry, I won't give up.