John, This is a good time, if you are strong enough, for you to draw your "line" in the sand. Tell her this is it...you want her to come home and list the conditions. IC and MC for everyone to include your D, the truth about everything that has happened to include what details you may want, etc...ask here for advice on what to ask. Tell her you expect her and all her property from the apartment to be moved back by XXX and her in the house helping to take care of your D and the household tasks.
Overall I think this will help you regardles of what she decides...buying the car in the middle of all this turmoil with a possible divorce, Army, affairs, etc is not good. For her to do that without discussion is a sign that she continues to plan on not coming back and to continue doing whatever she wants to include the affair. There should be no doubt to you that it is still going on...do not try to convince yourself otherwise...to do so will cloud your judgement.
You know what she paid for the car. Will adding that to the household bills create a problem when/if she returns? A penalty for breaking the lease? What other bills has she created? Something to think about...you could still find yourself liable for the bills she has created...even more so if she returns home. Be careful.
Your call but this is a good time to end it...at least this way you will always know that you did everything you could and if it ends you will not spend the rest of your life wondering what might have been.
Tell her, give her a date, (do not back down this time, if you do accept this is your new way of life, forever) if not go see a lawyer before she is so far in debt you get nothing to help raise your daughter.
