Please don't get the wrong idea of me anyone, I have spent the entire years of our marriage waiting on H and he spent all his time, doing all the things he enjoys, sport, gym, anything you can think of, I put my life on hold and made sure the kids were tended to, house clean, clothes washed and meal ready when he came home, everything.
Through serious illness I was there, then when I needed help he wasn't there for me, when I decided that life was short and we needed to enjoy our lives together and do the things we always wanted to only sooner, that's when it seemed to go wrong. The problem is, all his complaints were about me, it is all my fault. I felt the life was being sucked out of me. I love him dearly and my heart is breaking. I really need guidance. It has taken a lot of strength to not show what his actions and words are doing to me. All I want to do on a daily basis is lay down and die, but I can't.
What do I do tonight, I don't have plans to go out, I don't know if he is coming home or not for dinner. The usual was for him to go to the pub after work, then come home and we would go to dinner, but now what, do I sit and wait, do I just make some plans and go out! My mind is in constant turmoil trying to work out the right and wrong things to do.
On a good note I went to our Borders Bookstore this morning and staring at me was one copy of DB. I grabbed it and plan to sit down after and start reading. No other shop in Melbourne has it, I couldn't believe my luck, fate I think, it was a spur of the moment decision to go the bookshop just to see.
