I'll check out that thread. BTW, it wasn't my intention in my post to imply that tolerating my W's crap was unconditional love- it's not. It's just when my W starts with the criticisms it pisses me off- I'd like a little damn credit for my efforts here! Especially since most H's would NOT be so patient! (Yes, I know, wishful thinking.)
Don't get me wrong here. I appreciate the concern for my self respect- it's an issue that has been raised before by several of my friends in the recent past. If I didn't think my W was not presently right psychologically and emotionally, I'm not sure I would be able to exercise the amount of patience with my W that I currently am. The fact is, my W is in the midst of a serious personal crisis. I don't like having to swallow my pride for the time being, but it is what it is. It's a casualty of fighting for my M and my family. I realize I have my limits. I don't presently know exactly what they are, but I will know it when I reach them. I really hope for my W's sake I don't, because it won't be good- I am not going to allow her to damage me like that. I have no intention of sacrificing myself to the point of losing my self respect. All the more reason to focus on detachment.
I certainly understand what you are saying. There were some “responses” to my post about unconditional love and FaithfulH pointed out some things in my post the way he interpreted it, and made me realize that I sure don’t explain myself very well at times. There are different ways for different people but in the end, I believe we all want the same thing. I also see so many of us getting frustrated here on the board b/c we want to see something good happen in these lives. But, you said something that made me think of what FaithfulH said on Orich’s thread about how “nice & sweet” takes strength….and it does. I have always believed you were definitely a man of strength. There have been several LBH’s on the board that I did not see that way and as much as told them, but you have never appeared to be anything less that a man of strength and solid character. There is a difference in a loving determination and a strong heart to see ahead of the darkness. You said your W was in a “crises” and you are absolutely right! That is exactly how I described myself when I was a WAW. I first thought I was like having a MLC, only my age didn’t seem to fit the pattern. Long time board members didn’t think that was it, but all I knew was I was in a personal “crises” and needed help. That is very important that you see this in your W and realize that it’s not just a M thing with her. It is not just about the OM or you or the R, but it is “everything” that has ever happened to her all tied up together and she wants to escape this disappointment (for a lack of better term) and find a fantasy land where all her dreams come true. Crazy! She is trying hard to convince herself that the OM is her ticket. It’s not him. It’s her fantasy that she’s hooked on. God, I don’t even know her but I wish I could shake some sense into her, so I can only imagine what you are going through! It is coming down to the wire now and I know you are sick over all of this. I wish I could do something to help. All I can do--is be here, and you can depend on that. I know why they call you Big John. You are a big man. Keep hanging on BJ. We never know how things may turn around. Don’t give up yet.
Last edited by sandi2; 08/07/0901:43 AM.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
