My w filed for d almost two months ago, filed for temp. support about a month or so ago. I posted elsewhere about our situation, but it does not involve infidelity, drugs, alcohol, and abuse. Most of it (the d filing) is from normal post-partum adjustment (w filed when baby was 5 months) but magnified by hormonal issues, well-meaning parents and a counselor who advised a no-options (no counseling, no work) rapid divorce if w thought change was not possible. Which is what she did.
Long story short, I'd like to send w a very short letter saying that I understand her need for divorce to seek happiness. That I believe our marriage is savable, but understand that would take her agreement. In the absence of that, I'd like to divorce as friends. That's the main point.
I have not told her that I want to work on the marriage, except for the very early days of the d announcement.
Somehow, I'd like to add that many couples have saved their marriages when one person felt that change was not possible, that it was too late, that it's over, that they had moved on (the kind of phrases that pepper this forum).
What I'm trying to say is that what looks hopeless might not be hopeless. Yes, this is "information" that I'm trying to put out there that w might not even have thought about. I don't feel right about including this...but I didn't even know about this forum and that those feelings were so common...and still some have saved their marriages.
Is this simply futile on my part to add the second part? Is it even futile and negative to send a letter at all?
Things seem hopeless now that we both have attorneys (I might have to pay for hers though)...but I still don't want to give up on this marriage. I've tried to improve myself daily, but since I see my w maybe 1 minute all week (in baby exchanges), there's little I can do to show the changes or to show what's possible...so I thought maybe a letter.
I've also read extensively in DB lit that one should either move on or appear to have moved on. I haven't yet moved on, but have not communicated with my w that I want to save the marriage, which seems like indicating that I haven't moved on. Hmm. Contradiction there?
Thoughts on letter? Moving on vs. communicating clearly that I want to save the marriage?
