I want my Monkey and Sheep Back

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Jeff..

Won't that push him away even further? Ignoring him?

Beepee,

You can't push away "further" someone who's already gone.

I'm sorry.

Puppy

[Virtually_Handsome]

Hey, Beep!

I was mostly thinking about his next email, assuming it is in the next few days. It will be in response to what you just sent. I was thinking that since you were worried about how he might respond, just ignoring it would be for the best. If you get an email in two weeks, or a month, then I'd look at it. Might not respond though.

I think little to no contact for a period of months is your best bet. Despite his manipulativeness, there is a tiny morsel of truth in what he ways. Neither one of you is really ready to interact with the other. So take advantage of the time!

[Virtually_Handsome]

Actually, if you don't respond, his response (if he is interested at all) will be more of curiousity about what you are up to. And he'll email again, I think.

[beepee]

You can't push away "further" someone who's already gone.

Wow. Well that really hit me hard.
I don't want to face it puppy, but you're right.

So then, why am I here? He's gone.
There's no one to fight for anymore.

[beepee]

If he shows any curiosity about what I'm up to, that would blow me away Jeff. He hasn't shown a bit of interest about my life and what I'm doing for 2 months. And like Puppy said, he is gone. He tried one last time to get me to do something for him and now that he didn't succeed, I don't think I'll be receiving anymore emails from him unfortunately.

But you're right and he's right. We are not ready to interact. Months apart without any contact would be a good thing. I fear that if he ever contacts me again in the future after months of NC, I would fall apart again.

[SDFoundGirl]

Jeff..
Won't that push him away even further? Ignoring him?
If I delete his emails, and see that I don't respond to them, he'll stop and probably for good, no?

No. Have you read DB or DR yet? And anyway, fear is no reason to do anything.

It feels counter-intuitive, but R talks (which your email response was) and anything other than business to be handled is pursuit.

STOP pursuing. If he emails, trash it. Before you respond to calls/emails/etc., WAIT 48-hours and come post here. There's no hurry to respond, and if what you want to say is the right thing to say, it will still feel that way when the emotion has passed and you are thinking with your head.

Remember the initial email you were going to send, then didn't? Yeah, kind of like that.

Hon, it's time to put on your big-girl panties and make the decision to focus on you and actively WORK on GAL, making YOURSELF the source of your happiness, and detaching. Right now you are blowing about in the breeze, your highs and lows completely dependent on him or what you think he's thinking or will do in response to what you do or do not do. That's not detached.

I'm not saying don't cry or be sad, but I am saying to put a time limit on it. When I was in the midst of my sitch, I'd set a timer and let myself cry or scream or whatever for 10-minutes, and then I'd get up and get busy and keep working on ME.

You've really got to let go. If you have any chance at all, it's that.

SD

[Virtually_Handsome]

For a case like this two months is just getting warmed up.

Six would be a start, but not much of one. If (and that's really a small if) anything good is going to happen involving him, it is probably at least a year off. He is going to have to get through a lot of resentment, and right now everything bad in his life is your fault. (To him, not reality.) With a male ego, it is going to take a good long time if he chooses to let that go.

And of course, we know that you have a little work to do on yourself. This time apart is a gift. Let it do its work.

[beepee]

Have you read DB or DR yet?

Yes, but I'm not doing very well with the techniques

your highs and lows completely dependent on him or what you think he's thinking or will do in response to what you do or do not do. That's not detached.

I know and I really want to change this and I'm trying. Its hard but I'm trying not to think about what he's thinking or to get down whenever I hear from him or don't hear from him etc.

I'm trying to let go. I really am. But its so hard. I think I've made some progress. I'm not a bum everyday like I used to be. I'm doing things to keep myself busy. Everytime I cry now, I stop myself after a few minutes. I know I have a lot to work on, more than what I want to but its gotta be done.

[Virtually_Handsome]

You are making progress. I can see it. It's a long road, and it has bumps in it. Don't get discouraged!

(((((beepee)))))

[beepee]

Jeff,

I don't know why, but this post of yours has brought me great comfort - even though you mention 2 months as getting warmed up, a small possibility that anything good might happen, and that it could take a year (possibly even more). That should bring me down! But it actually doesn't.

He is going to have to get through a lot of resentment, and right now everything bad in his life is your fault. (To him, not reality.) With a male ego, it is going to take a good long time if he chooses to let that go.

He's got a big Irish male ego!! (no offense to anyone here who is Irish) Everything he does is right and I'm not sure that he's going to let that go..I sure hope he does because I do want him to be happy in life and he shouldn't let his ego get in the way of having a loving relationship.

And of course, we know that you have a little work to do on yourself.

What are you talking about Jeff? A LITTLE? I have much more than a little work to do, I've got boxes upon boxes of flaws that needs to be worked on.

I agree that this time apart is a gift. I've always believed that since the day he left because I knew that if he never left me, that I would stay in the depressed state I was in and never work on making myself better. I'm very glad that I've been given this chance to make things better for myself. I really needed that kick in the face in order to get crackin!