Wow, we must be cousins based on our screen names.
First, sorry you find yourself here, buyou will find a great deal of help and support here. It has (and still does) get me through some rough patches.
Our situations (and many others' too) are similar.
Second, everything you have described about your W is pretty much the walk away spouse (WAS) script. As hard as it is, you have to understand your W is not herself, or at least the person you married, right now. As crazy as it sounds, it is the situation, not you, that is mostly at issue here. She perceives that your M is what is holding her back.
Have you read either Divorce Remedy (DR) or Divorce Busting (DB)? It sounds like you have, but if not, read one of them.
Can you swing counseling? I have never been to a counselor before my sitch, and it has helped me a great deal.
The most important thing you can do right now is to give her space. Lots of space. As far as pursuing, stop any and all of that. And understand, it is HER pecrception of what you are doing that counts, not reality.
Can you tell us more about your situation (sitch), especially any warning signs leading up to the speech? Did you guys fight much before or have disagreemnts over fundamental issues - $$$ or child rearing? Does your W work? What was your W's childhood like?
Also, the girlfriend your W has been hanging with, what is her sitch? Single? Had similar experiences as your W?
