Ups and Downs

[Energizer Bunny]

I've been reading posts here for a while, but haven't posted anything.

My situation is like SO many others. One day last October (over 9 mos now) I came home to a big hug & kiss at the door after work. The next day I got the speech.

We decided to work on it. Before long, she said we were fine. Together forever. Six weeks later...she said "it was all an act." Devistated again.

We went to counseling a few times. She was so walled off though that she was just going through the motions. Anger and resentment turned into late nights out, heavy drinking and immersing herself into her girlfriend's life. (she really took on the entire life of her girlfriend..friends, family, style of dress, speech patterns...it is weird!)

Lots of me fighting, begging, complaining that she could invest so much in the girlfriend, but nothing in our family. But eventually I started to back off. We'd start to get better...then worse. There's no consistency to the pattern. She's in my bed, calling me at work, telling me she loves me then BAM! Moved back in the other room, ring is off, says it's not getting better, I've realized I've NEVER been in love with you and that ... and this is my favorite "I finally know my path to happiness, and this marriage is keeping me from it."

Just so you know. This is a girl that has always claimed (and still claims when we're talking about other people) to have strong family values. "Marriage is important. Family is important. People need to work through the bad times," she has said. Just not when it comes to our marriage. Now it's "why should I have to stay if I'm not happy here?" We all know that listing the reasons why doesn't always help...I listed them for her anyway.

We had out 10 year anniversary in June. We were on an up. She was telling me she loved me. Kissing me when I got home from work again. We planned a trip. Talked a little about the future. When she opened the anniversary band that I got her though it all changed. We haven't been the same since. She said "I don't feel like I should feel getting a beautiful gift like this from her husband." (She adopted the "it's not meant to be" attitude and totally checked out again)

It's been months of no emotion at all. She feels nothing. She finally started IC and determined that she is codependent. She has "no identity." (totally poo IMHO) It's too late. She loves the changes that I have made, but still claims to feel nothing.

New twist this week: She now claims to be "at peace" with everything. Not sure what that means. Now she's initiating comversation (I used to initiate all conversations, but started LRT about 2 1/2 weeks ago). She made a family dinner last night. Huh? What the he!!? This is the girl who excluded me from her B'day party two weeks ago. The party where all of the other people brought their spouse and she went stag, sans wedding ring.

Ain't life grand?