such as cutting off communication until SHE gets your new message.
I do agree with Gucci. In my sitch the only way to get the message across has been to just cut off the conversation when it gets disrespectful. I am done trying to rationalize or explain why I find H's behavior or communication abhorrent. Sometimes the behavior is subtle and manipulative and I let my actions speak so I don't waste too much energy. I tried to converse and rationalize why and how his communication doesn't work for me. No change until I just end the conversation.
I think with overt hostility, you do have an opportunity to say something to the effect of what Gucci mentioned...basically that the behavior is unacceptable when directed at her and/or you. I can almost guarantee she feels entitled to equal time of a**holic behavior.
Trying to fulfill that expectation means you get to be a punching bag and she still probably never comes back. And, those are moments of your life you'll never retrieve.
The whole tit for tat thing is a waste of time...doesn't work.
Rambling a bit here. While I have disagreed with Gucci before, overall, it has not been until I really stopped this placating BS that my life has begun to feel manageable and within my control.
It is a fine line. Sometimes, we need to discuss our communication (usually around kid issues), but overall, even then, my expressions lead to little change as long as I'm engaging. If I stood a chance of changing H, it would have happened long ago. I can only define what is acceptable to me and live by it. It is challenging.
When you detach, you also wont really care as much how she treats you as it is just really her problem.
Don't know if Gucci and I agree on this. I think it can go either way but I have found the preoccupation with how H treats me to really divert my attention from myself and my life. Maybe he'll be a d*ck forever, I honestly can't even care anymore. I can handle it. And, sooner or later, he will get that he's on a road to nowhere trying to reel me in...or not.
Life is too precious to let someone else's behavior dictate how you are going to feel. Onward.
