Yep, the supervisor I talked to today said H had just washed his hands of the car situation and wasn't communicating and all that, so I think he realized what was going on. I said yeah, he's washed his hands of our marriage too. Kind of what he does lately anyway.
We agreed to split the fee. I don't have the capability of paying the whole thing, and still paying the $365 next week. So he says I'll pay half if you support the decision to put D9 into public school. Well, I had already decided to do that anyway (which I didn't say). And I say I would support it unless at some point there is a reason not to (like with S15 when he was in school). He said you'll take her to school? And I said yes, and help her with homework, and a little tutoring, but I won't do the hours of tutoring like I had to do with S15. B/c I'm hoping to work during D9's school hours and then homeschool S15 the rest of the week. And he's old enough now to do some on his own as well, and hopefully will keep becoming more independent as time goes on. Then he says to me what I am getting for $250 (gee doing the right thing) and I said you're getting my support on the public school for D9 (although I never would have done that if I hadn't already decided to do that).
He also tried to push me at the same time for S15 to go to high school. I told him I've heard nothing positive of that from anyone yet. I called the high school twice this week and left vms for the guidance dept. (they said I would talk to them re: the special ed there). They've never called me back yet. So not too impressed. I told him that, and said I'll try to keep reaching them. I don't even think H thinks it would be good. Just says we have to have both kids in public school b/c of the $$$. I did not agree to that. So, 2 x 4s???
Oh, and Kat, I did ask the L what would happen if school doesn't work out for D9 and there are a lot of problems? She said I could withdraw her. I'm guessing it might not be that easy, but at least it seems like I'm not locked into that if it's a huge problem it sounds like.
Wow, your H... exhorting concessions out of you as a condition before he will (only) help fix a situation he caused. What a piece of cr*p he is!
You're a far better Christian than I am, Karen, being kind to him even in the face of such slimy behavior on his part. I'd get too angry, want to knock his teeth in -- and I'm usually a fairly peaceable person. (Your H would make even Mother Theresa want to deck him!) I'll try to learn from you instead.
My L also called today to tell me the final hearing's been set; I think she said November 30th. Weird! I feel like I should be feeling something more than I do; more anger or sadness or something. Maybe a little sadness. As long as the custody issue comes out ok, I think I'll be fine though.
He is such a POS creep!! He should be paying the whole darn thing. Karen you are way too nice to him. No more talking to him directly remember. He wants to make bargains and deals that suit HIM not his family. Though with all the crud going on today with friends across the boards, I shouldn't be surprised. No more deals, no more compromising. Everything is done with the lawyers.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Kat, that's what my L just basically emailed me. Ok with D9, but don't capitulate re: S15, since he doesn't want to go to public school, and the evaluator and his therapist don't seem to recommend it either. Therapist said he'd be eaten alive or something like that.
She had a good point too. Our hearing is November 30th, so that'll give D9 3 months in school so we can see how it's going by the final hearing. If it's not working out, then that would be a great time to address that.
H said he's picking up the car today. Thrilled about that. But I realized he wants me to drive him back to his car at the repo lot (almost an hour drive)!
He's already back to his usual stuff. I emailed him yesterday saying he needs to talk to D9 about going to public school full time. She doesn't want to. I told him I had told her that she might be going 1-2 hours a day and she was supportive of that.
He emails me back today saying it's news to me that you told her that (re: the 1-2 hours). I emailed back when the evaluator recommended that for her, I thought that's what we would probably be doing, and I didn't want to spring it on her at the last minute. (Like he is doing now with the full-time school but I didn't say that.) Karen
So H just emailed me. He's going to drop the kids and the car off tonight. OW's going to follow him in his car. (That way I won't have to take him to the lot). I emailed back: That's fine as long as she doesn't come onto my property. Thanks!!! Well??? Bad, ok, or inbetween??? Also if the skanky ho does come onto my property what can or should I do??? Karen
You could always just to agree somewhere neutral to get the kids and then skank can pick him up there without her coming to your house. Can a friend take you?
If not I guess she might have to be in the driveway. Yuck. I don't know if you have any sort of recourse unless she gets out and is walking around. then maybe you could say something about her tresspassing. Try to go with option one if you can. I am so glad you are getting the car back. Sucks that his name is on it. Will that change once the divorce is final?
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
You could always just to agree somewhere neutral to get the kids and then skank can pick him up there without her coming to your house. Can a friend take you?
kat
You were 100% right about that. H emailed me 3 rude emails and then a nasty phone call to follow. One of his emails ( to the OW not being on my property) said he's sure she doesn't want to be on my property either. (Gee, I don't know how skanks think myself.) So I just got in touch with one of my theatre friends and he's going to give me a ride tomorrow (works tonight).
The kids are still at H's though. He picked them up last night. I emailed him I'd pick up the car and he could either drop the kids off at my place tonight or I'll be able to pick them up tomorrow whichever he preferred.
The bank was suggesting they would let me put the car in my name if I refinance and pay the taxes and tag fees, after we're divorced and they have my financials. That prob. would be best.
Just chatting a bit with my boss, made me think that H could sell that car out from under you at anytime even if you are on the title(if it is titled and/or). If you are not on the title, same thing. Time to build up some credit history of your own. I feel terrible that things have been so good for me lately and things have been bumpy for you. Maybe you can make him add you to the title as "and" so that your name is on it and he can't sell it out from under you but when he goes into bankruptcy that will drag you along.
Time to play defense.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
No more deals, no more compromising. Everything is done with the lawyers.