I want my Monkey and Sheep Back

[beepee]

Thanks SD:

I was reading it and I felt really bad and I think thats what he was trying to do. Its definitely manipulative and the crazy thing is, everyone on his side thinks I'm the manipulative one

This email resembles one he had sent me awhile back when I had shut off his phone. I gave him one month to tell me what he wanted to do with the phone because I wasn't going to continue paying it for him and everytime I asked him, he would ignore it and never respond and THEN when I got sick of it, I had it shut off, its not my responsibility to pay for his phone when he's not even with me. So emails me and says something to make me feel guilty: "I was going to pay for it and I was going to pay for yours too but that's no longer an option." What a guilt trip!!

What has he become? I don't understand at all. He was never like this before. Is it possible that he's in a MLC?? He says he hasn't been feeling well lately, maybe he's depressed? He constantly mentions his age and how he's gotten nowhere in life by being with me, but there's no other woman that I know of. I feel like I'm dealing with a child.

And knowing how he is right now, he's not even going to come and pick up his stuff because he doesn't want to face me. I'm not a monster but he's making me feel like I'm such a bad person. Like I'm going to beat him up and swallow him whole if he meets up with me. All I want to do is give him a hug. All this time, I thought I was the most horrible person for the way I treated him and that I was the one who needed so much help and therapy. But its not true, he needs help too. But he's making me out to be like some crazy person who needs to be locked up and put on meds for the rest of my life.

Some of the things he's said to me awhile back in emails etc were just so mean. I never saw him as manipulative but the last few emails has proven that he can be and his guilt trips are working. I feel like sh*t. I'm trying not to let it get to me at all and tell myself I'm not a bad person, but its so hard when someone does SO much to stay away from, and not just someone, someone you are so in love with.

You were right mishka and stacey, I didn't need this H drama. I guess I should be careful what I wish for because it actually came true. I felt so much better when he was not in contact with me and wishing for some interaction with him was a bad idea. I can't believe it actually came true just a couple days after I wished for it. I'd rather go back to NC. I feel so much better and happier with myself. I was happy with the way things were progressing within me. And now this is such a huge blow to my confidence and I feel like I'm back at square one.

I know I shouldn't feel this way, I know I can't let it get to me. Its so hard. I want to go back to being excited about my new roommate and new apartment, moving to a new city, riding my new bike, happy with the way my eBay auctions ended (I made a total of $1700 by the way!), enjoying the company of my friends, appreciating what I have in my life but I can actually feel that quickly slipping away from me right now. But I can't, I just can't let myself fall apart that easily. I'm stronger than that. I don't feel it but I'm going to fake it. I need to do this for myself. His guilt trips can't affect me anymore. I'm going to forget that he ever contacted me and continue doing what I've been doing because I was doing well. I'm not going to let that slip away, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not. B deserves so much more than that.