Magnificent

[mishka422]

Exactly....my problem is that I tend to say that about everything. Nothing gets done because I'm too busy doing other stuff that doesn't really matter either but is much more enjoyable. *sigh*

[MichelleLT]

Yeah, there's a fine line.

But when you're working two jobs, the household stuff tends to go by the wayside. You need downtime and fun time to recover, and there's not enough hours left for every other project.

*shrugs* It ain't the end of the world. Your house isn't falling down cuz of it. So whatever.

[mishka422]

I told you guys about the meltdown I had in church week before last right? Well, yesterday while I was at home I had a visit from two of the pastors from my church trying to find out what they could do to help. I was amazed that they knew anything was going on. They have referred me to a peer counselor that is arranged through the church. I'm a little freaked out about calling her back but it's probably for the best. I obviously need to talk things out with someone that won't judge me for my irrational feelings.

See, that's the problem, I KNOW my thoughts are irrational. I KNOW how ridiculous I sound even in my own head but that doesn't make the thoughts go away. YUCK!

Depression really sucks!

[MichelleLT]

Emotions aren't rational.

They aren't meant to be.

They go deeper than conscious thought. They pull from the subconscious and our intuition and experiences.

And yes, depression really sucks.

But, it's GREAT that they want to help! Take advantage of it!

[Virtually_Handsome]

But having people around you who care doesn't suck!

((((((mishka))))))

[mishka422]

Thanks Jeff. That means a lot to me. My friends here are what keeps me going forward when I feel completely disconnected from everyone in my RL.

I still haven't worked up the nerve to call the counseling center back. I'm scared. I'm afraid that if I get in there and start talking then I might reveal just a little too much and end up committed somewhere. There are some thoughts that should never have life breathed into them.

Marc's freshman orientation is tonight! Heaven help me! There is always a boatload of money that has to be shelled out before school starts for fees for every danged thing in the school. Gotta love that our tax dollars pay for public school but they still nickel and dime you to death. Don't know where the money is going to come from to pay all the fees, but I'll just have to dig it up somewhere. Yuck!

Keep bouncing over to K's thread. She's in so much pain and needs everyone's support. I feel so awful for her! Reading her pain was like reliving my own. I'm sure you all have felt that for her too. Keep loving her as often as possible!

[Virtually_Handsome]

Mishka! Call them! Do it now!

People want to help.... please give them a chance! You are not going to get committed, but you might find some tools to help you move forward!

The school fees are incredible these days, aren't they! I guess "we" brought it on ourselves, but they are a pain in the neck!

[kat727]

I agree with Jeff. People are there and willing to help, please let them.
With my 4, enrollment fees are around $450, supplies at least $150 and s16 is taking a course for college credit which will probably run 200-300. Haven't even looked at clothes yet!! Craziness. In my city, public education is the highest taker of my property taxes and yet they still want more!! So I am feeling the pain right along with you. College isn't so far away. Yikes!!

I have been checking on Maria, think she is sort of shell shcoked right now. Hope you are making that call now.

kat

[JCJ]

(((Mishka))) that is such great news about the help. As Michelle and Nike say 'just do it'.

[mishka422]

Still haven't done it. I'm getting more overwhelmed by the minute.

Air conditioning in my house broke yesterday. The high today is 94 with 45% humidity. NASTY! There is a puddle that comes up in my garage every day that smells like death that I have to clean with bleach if I have time. Otherwise we have to live with the smell. Marc has no clothes to wear to school. He's outgrown everything suitable and I can't buy him any. He has to have a scientific calculator that graphs - thankfully there are lots of them on sale right now but still looking at about $100 for that. Shelled out $165 in fees yesterday for my one child with more to come. This is just more than I can handle.

Oh yeah....in the last week in my office I've apparently made 3 costly mistakes (mind you, one of them I'm not convinced that I made but I can't prove otherwise so the customer always wins), all because I can't keep up with the workload in the 4 days I have to do it. We're at the airline's mercy (ha! oxymoron) here and when they pull a fare on a booking that I couldn't finish because of having to be somewhere else for Marc in the evening so I can't stay overtime that night I get hit with the mess that comes out of it.

Sorry...ranting...pissed...tired of everything....just want to get up and walk away from everything and never be heard from again. I don't think it would matter in the long run. Good heavens.........