I'm sorry you had a sleepless night, but I can understand as I had plenty myself when I found out about X's infidelity.
Your H has been withdrawn w/two women now, so it seems as if there is an ingrained pattern here that isn't going away. In a sense, as much as I hurt for you, I pity him. He is not much of a man.
He lied to you about the affair and reading those letters has to be very painful for you.
I guess, at least now there are no more questions. I know that isn't what was hoped for w/all of this, but at least now you know and you can move forward w/your life while H becomes XH and sits and tries to find himself. However, he is no longer your problem.
I'm very sorry for you, my friend. Finding out one you loved was deceitful and so dishonest really stings. I've felt the same sting, so I know how much you are hurting. I only wish there was more I could do from way over here.
This has to be so terrible to read and see the deception after holding on and sticking it out for so long.
At least there is now going to be some closure. But it will take time for you to heal from this tremendous pain he has caused.
However, you need to be very careful in regards to coparenting and not speaking badly of him around the kids. He is still their father, and as I understand from your postings, he is good with the kids.
As long as you focus on the kids well being, it will help to get you through this.
You may not believe it now, but there may come a time when you will lose the rage and hurt for what he has done.
As Bworl has said, there is a good life after this ordeal awaiting you.
I remember many sleepless nights of my own made just a little more bearable because of kinds word early in the morning from you. You are in my thoughts and prayers. You'll get through this. Vent away. We are here.
Me45 W35 M6 T8 D16 SD11 D0 Dec 07: Bomb July 08: Busted! Thread
My dear Maria, my heart breaks for you. Please try not to torture yourself too much by all the reading etc. It only hurts you more. I know, been there done that etc.. All I can think of is how you gave up so much to try to save your marriage. I guess she works with your H to have been on all those trips. Please get something to help you sleep you need your strength. One tiny step at a time. Lighting my candle for you and your little ones,nightly. May the prayers and thoughts of your many friends around the world give you some comfort and strength. (((())))
naej, I am the "other kind", the kind that needs to know to get it out of my system.
He called my BGF, an dtold her he will never live something like last night ever again. That I was so calm and focused and strong. He admired me and asked if I had taken any meds. Wrong move. She had him on the phone for 25 minutes hammering him, very nusty. He was crying hard.
Then my mom called him. Told him to leave us alone and go and never come back.
Then he called me. And I told him a few things... He cried again. I told him if he causes another tear to my kids I will have him beaten up, swore to him that if hurts them again he will pay. And I will make him pay. He cried again. K
I sent him my proposal for money. He better accept it. Playing hard ball now.
My heart is breaking for you and your beautiful children. Your H is a coward and completely spineless. He is not willing to commit to your family or to her. The OW is pathetic to continue to accept the crumbs he has thrown from your table. You are so far above all of their garbage. Love the kids, love yourself, and move forward, knowing that you have done everything within your power. You gave chances when many would not have.
I am keeping your family in my prayers as you begin to heal from this mess again.
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
Sweet Maria, I've been thinking about you all night and praying for peace for you and your kids.
Hardball? No question! There is a phrase, "Pay to play". That's what this man has to do now. He played, now he has to pay. He's obviously a complete and total coward. He's definitely scum as a H. Thankfully he seems to be, at the very least, a competent father. I hope your kids will understand in time what has happened and how much you tried to save your M for their sakes. Honestly, the tension surrounding you and H wasn't healthy for them, but I understand the need to keep their family intact.
You are, as Tomato put it, a tower of strength. You shine in ways that so many rely on. I'm so proud of you and what you've accomplished through this ordeal. Think of the revelation of his A as the closure you needed to know that you have done all you could. 3 people don't belong in a M. Let her have his broken a$$!!! Sorry.....I'm completely pissed for you.
You know how to find me if you want to talk off the record. You have supporters all over the world who love you!!!!!
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
You know it's over when your mom tells him to stay away!
Isn't it weird that being told an awful truth is always better than uncovering deception? I think it's because you become a 'team' to resolve it rather than being left alone to feel the horror and lies.
Yeah yeah yeah... so he's crying, hurt, frightened waking up to the consequences of his action, inaction and lies. Being indecisive is smacking him in the face, heart in ways he never imagined. And hearing him or friends say he's sorry, listening to his tears, knowing he's suffering has its appeal.. but only for so long. Okie doke.. enough about him.
Know the difference between wanting to know it all versus becoming obsessed in the details. You're an incredible woman who loves her children and spreads a sense of "Kalni-ness" in whatever forum, guise, essence you choose.
You aced the ball in his court and you're leaving the stadium. Game, set, match.
Continue being honest with yourself, the you within. Do what is right for you, what you need in a healthy relationship with a man, a family, your children.
Divorce sucks. No child ever wants their parents to separate, to be torn between two people they love so dearly. Yet, sh*t happens in life. Assure the kids you are not going anywhere, that you love them with all your heart, that their daddy does, too. That this is something that broke between the two of you even though you loved each other very much and tried very hard.
Like the story of the divorced father who had his kids gather up all the twigs in the yard which he bundled up and tried to break apart. Only through great effort and time did the twigs slowly begin to break eventually destroying the bundle. "That was the love between you and your mother. We loved each other very much but over time we broke the bundle."
He then told the kids to go gather sticks which they did. The dad tied those in a bundle and no matter how hard he tried, he could not rend it apart. "This is the love I feel for you. Nothing can break it, nothing will ever rip it apart. My love for you is unconditional and forever."
And so the father taught his children of the meanings of love.
Sorry.....I'm completely pissed for you. 